


Once Upon A Coma

by butzichen



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Feelings Realization, Fluff and Angst, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-15
Updated: 2019-09-15
Packaged: 2020-10-18 23:18:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 24,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20647349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/butzichen/pseuds/butzichen
Summary: Barry remembers being married to Caitlin. Vividly. Except it apparently never happened. Just something his mind made up after Cicada's dagger put him in a coma for a few days. Now he wakes up to find he isn't married to Caitlin but to Iris.How can he go back to the way things were? And does he even want to?





	1. Part One

He opens his eyes ever so slowly, blinking as white and dark spots start forming familiar shapes, there’s a rushing in his ears, an ache in his body, a dryness in his throat. Then his eyes land on her. At first, he can only make out her outline, but it’s enough. He relaxes instinctively, letting his eyelids droop once more, knowing he’s safe.

He notices she looks different the next time he opens his eyes. No that’s not right. He blinks against the harsh light overhead, finally able to see clearly, to see her clearly. She’s the same. Same big worried eyes, tentative relieved smile, her brown hair tumbling down her shoulders, still holding a tension there, gentle hands, slowly reaching out, ever so soft in her touch. No, she’s the same. 

Then why does she feel different?

“Barry?” she whispers, almost scared. His eyes find hers, worry spilling out of them. She’s scared for him. But why? Something isn’t right.  
“What happened?” His voice comes out rough and scratchy like it hasn’t been used in a while. It must be the middle of the night, judging by the light that filters into the empty med bay. Caitlin gently lifts a glass of water with a straw to his mouth. As he takes long sips, already feeling a little better, she replies. “What’s the last thing you remember?”  
His head is pounding, as he tries to remember…

_He opens the door to their apartment, the key in one hand, the bag of take-out in the other._  
_“I brought Chinese” he calls out as he enters, letting the key fall in its usual spot on the kitchen counter._  
_“Thank you.” Caitlin walks in from their bedroom, dressed in her casual home attire, some leggings and one of his sweatshirts. She takes some bags from his hands, as she perches up and gives him a quick kiss. Grinning, he puts the rest of the take-out on the table, before pulling her close and dipping his head to find her lips with his._  
_“You look very pretty,” he murmurs against her lips._  
_She rolls her eyes fondly at him. “You always say that, no matter what I wear.”_  
_“It’s always true,” he grins at her, before resting his head on hers, just breathing her in. No matter what craziness is going on in their lives, he always finds peace in her presence. _  
_“Are you worried about Cisco’s discoveries about our latest meta human,” she asks as if she read his thoughts._  
_He sighs. “Always.” But then he winks at her and quickly steals another kiss before starting to unpack the food. “I know we’ll figure it out, we always do.”_  
_Together they have dinner, before settling on the couch watching a few episodes of their latest favorite show. Caitlin’s curled up next to him, her head on his shoulder, as he keeps playing with her hands, her fingers, her ring. No matter how long they’ve been married, he still can’t believe he got this lucky…_  


“You were there,” Barry murmurs slowly, still hazy about what happened.  
“I wasn’t,” she whispers as she’s trying to hold back tears, “I was too late.” His head is pounding as he’s trying to make sense of it all. When did he get injured? Seeing the tears in her eyes, his hand reaches out of its own accord, wrapping around hers.  
“It’s not your fault,” he assures her because no matter what happened, he knows it wasn’t. But he is still unable to shake the feeling that something is wrong. Yes, he’s hurt and he can’t remember how it happened, but he has woken up like that a few times, the memories always come back in the end. No, this is different. He’s squeezing her hand, slowly running his fingers over hers… His breath hitches as he realizes what’s different. 

“Where’s your ring’” he asks, trying to keep his voice calm.  
“What ring?” she wonders, looking at him with furrowed brows.  
“Your wedding ring.”  
“I’m not married,” she states it calmly, but he can feel the fear she tries to hide, fear that something is very wrong with him. He suddenly feels really cold, a cold that comes from deep within.  
He quickly looks down at his own hands, a wedding ring plainly visible on his finger. So, he’s still married. But if he’s married to her, why would she say she isn’t married. Panic starts to rise inside of him, as he wonders if he somehow messed with the timeline again. 

“What happened?” This time his voice is more forceful, searching her eyes for answers.  
“Don’t you remember the fight with Cicada, Barry?” Cicada, yes, he remembers him, his dagger, hurting Nora. Wait, who’s Nora? 

“Cicada’s dagger pierced your skull, Barry,” Caitlin’s trying to hold back sobs, “you should be all healed up and there’s no sign of any brain damage, but you’ve been in a coma for over three days.” At this, her voice breaks and tears flow freely down her face. Instinctively, Barry sits up straighter and pulls her down next to him on the bed, wrapping his arms around her and just holding her.  
“It’s okay, I’m okay,” he murmurs softly, as he keeps rubbing her back. She’s stiff at first but slowly relaxes into his touch, letting her head rest on his chest. 

As he lies in bed, holding on to Caitlin, flashes of memories stir inside him. Cicada, the fight, Nora, Iris… slowly everything is coming back to him, a lifetime of memories.  
“I’m married to Iris?” he voices out loud after a while. Caitlin sits up, brushing the tears from her eyes.  
“Of course, you are Barry.” She stares at him for a second longer, before getting out of bed. “I need to run more scans, clearly you’re not fine yet.”  
She’s all business again, as she gets the electrodes to do a brain scan. The bed feels cold without her in it. His insides feel cold. He remembers now, he’s married to Iris. Not Caitlin. Being married to her must have been something he dreamt of in his coma. Except it felt so real, so true, truer than anything he has experienced so far in his life. How is he supposed to go back to this life with Iris after that? 


	2. Chapter 2

He’s doing it again, invading her personal space, not that she minds, she never has. But ever since Barry woke up from his ‘minicoma’, as Cisco likes to refer to it, he’s been acting weird. A few hours after waking up, he seemed completely fine again and he remembered everything. But something still feels different. Like right now. 

They are at Starlabs and she’s sitting at the console going over their recent data to find a trace of Cicada, Cisco’s across the room doing the same, Sherloque is writing something on the board and Barry, he’s standing right next to her, like right next to her, if she moves as much as an inch, she’d be touching him. He’s looking over her shoulder, his hand on the back of her chair. She doesn’t mind the closeness, but it still feels like they’re doing something wrong. She half expects Sherloque or Cisco to comment on it and it makes her feel on edge. 

Caitlin slowly gets up, holding out her mug to indicate that she’ll get herself more coffee. Barry gives her a short nod and a smile, a smile that warms her up from the inside, a smile she hadn’t seen in a while, until a few days ago, now it’s back, all the time, always directed at her and oh she doesn’t like the way it makes her feel, because she knows she’s not allowed to feel that way.

Caitlin takes a deep calming breath as she pours herself more coffee in the lounge, she needs to figure out what happened to him in that coma. His brain had been scraped by Cicada’s dagger, it’s not something she has been taking lightly. But all her scans, all her tests show nothing out of the ordinary. The only weird thing is how active his brain was while in the coma, like he was having a vivid dream. 

She sighs, remembering these days, makes her shudder, coldness seeping to her bones. Barry and Nora had been out in the field, dealing with some minor crimes, when Cicada had shown up out of the blue. Their powers were dampened in an instant and though Cisco breached her there right away, it was too late, Cicada’s dagger had already pierced Barry’s skull. The sight would not leave her anytime soon. Frost had taken control and used the rage that was rising up inside them to fight Cicada off. And though she doled out a damaging beating, when Cicada tried to escape, Caitlin wouldn’t let Frost go after him, Barry needed her, his doctor. 

“Cait, are you okay?” Barry’s standing in the doorway to the lounge looking at her with worried eyes.  
“Yeah, I’m fine.” She tries to shake off the memories, but the panic she felt still lingers.  
“You don’t look fine.” Barry takes a few steps towards her, putting his hand on her arm. She looks up into his eyes and her breath hitches, he shouldn’t be looking at her like that. 

“I’ve just been remembering the day you got hurt,” she murmurs.  
“You’re going to need to be a bit more specific,” he jokes but there’s a softness to it. Her lips tug upwards despite herself, but then her eyes land on his temple and though there is no trace of the wound anymore, she can still see it, the blood gushing out of it, her hands trying to stop the bleeding, worried about the depth of the cut, trying to shove down her fears so she can do her job. 

“I hadn’t been this worried since Zoom broke your back,” she finally admits, her voice nearly inaudible. In an instant, Barry’s arms are wrapped around her, holding her ever so close, and though she hates to admit it, she feels safe. No matter how far she’s come, it’s still the only place she’s ever felt completely safe. So she holds on to him, afraid she’ll drown in the terrifying memories if she lets go, as she tries to ignore her guilt that this may not be appropriate and the fact that he just brushed her hair with his lips.

_“Barry,” Caitlin hisses, looking around uncomfortably, hoping no one sees them, “please get off the bed.”_  
_“Why?” Barry grins at her as he keeps jumping on the bed, “we need to test all the features before we buy it.”_  
_“I don’t think the store would agree with that,” she replies, trying to look stern, but he isn’t fooled. He can tell she’s hiding her smile._  
_“Oh, come on, Dr. Snow. Let loose a little and join me.”_  
_“What if somebody sees us,” Caitlin worries, but she’s already taking off her heels._  
_“You do know that you’re dating a speedster, right?” Barry grins mischievously._  


_Giving in, she takes Barry’s outstretched hand and he pulls her up on the bed. They have been in the store for a while, trying to find the perfect new bed. With their similar tastes, they quickly agreed on what they wanted and could have been out of the store a while ago, but Barry is dragging it out. Having taken the whole afternoon off so they could go shopping together, he just isn’t ready to have their uninterrupted time end so soon. So now he is testing everything he can possibly think of while making Caitlin smile in the process. As she’s jumping by his side, holding on tight to his hands, giggling like a five-year-old, he just can’t stop staring at her, his heart filled to the brim with happiness. _

He’s staring at her again. Iris sighs as irritation billows up inside her and threatens to spill over. Why did she even come to Starlabs, she should have stayed in her office and worked on her newspaper. Instead she’s standing in the cortex, once again with no idea what the others are actually talking about, watching her husband stare at another woman. And though she’s been guilty of doing her own staring from time to time, who could blame her with all the well-defined often shirtless superheroes traipsing through Starlabs, this is different. Barry isn’t staring at Caitlin in a lustful way, he stares at her like she’s the only girl in the world, like he’s in awe of everything she says and does.

Frustrated, Iris tries to regain Barry’s attention, interjecting a comment into the conversation, but it is basically ignored, again. Barry’s been ignoring her a lot lately. Ever since his fight with Cicada, he’s been different, distant and at times even belligerent.  
“Barry, can I talk to you” she calls out annoyed, “alone.” He looks up at her, as if surprised she is still there at all, then he casts a quick glance at Caitlin. Does he need her approval now to talk to his wife? But Caitlin, Cisco and Sherloque are already starting to leave the cortex, when Barry calls out.  
"Woah, guys, what are you doing?”  
“Letting you and Iris have a moment.” Cisco looks at him puzzled.  
“What? No, we’re in the middle of figuring this out, if anything Iris and I will leave the room,“ Barry says still taken aback, before focusing on Iris. “Can’t this wait?”  
“No,” she says through gritted teeth, wondering why she put up with his behavior.  
“Fine,” Barry sighs before following her into the hallway.  


The flow of ideas seems to have come to a stop after Barry left, cause when he comes back to the cortex, everybody else has scattered. Sherloque is wiping the board clean, Cisco and Ralph have vanished and Caitlin is back in the medbay. This doesn’t help with the frustration he feels towards Iris, maybe they wouldn’t have come up with anything, but the interruption surely didn’t help. He sighs, truthfully he blames himself, Iris is only reacting to how he’s been acting. He knows he’s been doing a poor job playing the precoma Barry. But then again, his life shouldn’t be an act. He should probably distance himself from Caitlin, spend more time with his wife, try to rekindle his feelings for her. He shouldn’t let a dream ruin his marriage. But at the same time, his feet are carrying him towards the medbay, like a moth drawn to a flame.

"I think, I’m gonna call it a night,” Cisco exclaims later that night as he puts down his tech and stretches on the chair, yawning widely.  
“You’re right,” Barry agrees, putting away his own work, “maybe we should head home, too, Cait?” He looks from Caitlin to Cisco, who are both looking at him a little confused, taking a second too long to realize what he just said.  
“I mean, I’ll head home, too. What about you Caitlin?” he tries to rectify his slipup. Cisco still stares at him suspiciously, but Caitlin just nods absentmindedly.  
“Yeah, I think so, I’m getting pretty tired myself.”  
“Want me to take you?” the words are out before Barry can stop himself. He knows he has to be more careful, but how is he supposed to just get over this. Act like everything is fine and normal when he misses her so terribly.  
Even though they’re only a few feet apart, it feels like there is a canyon between them, an insurmountable distance, an invisible wall, keeping her from him. Even though every cell in his body wants to reach out and touch her, go home with her, wake up next to her, be married to her. He knows that he can’t act on it. In this reality, he’s married to Iris and he and Caitlin have never shared a life together. God, how he wishes he could go back to that other reality, even if it was all in his head.

“That’s okay, I came with my car, I’ll drive home.”  
Barry tries to hide a sigh, giving his friends a big smile before saying goodnight and heading out. He takes his time heading to Iris' - no - _their _apartment until he can’t drag it out any longer.  
“Welcome home,” Iris greets him when he walks through the front door, he tries to smile and play his part, but this isn’t his home anymore.


	3. Chapter 3

_“Five more minutes,” Barry mutters still half asleep when the alarm goes off. Caitlin yawns._  
_“Unfortunately, not everybody has superspeed,” she replies with a grin before tossing the sheets away from herself and starting to get up. But Barry wraps his arms around her waist, pulling her back to bed._  
_“Five more minutes *with you*,” he murmurs, nuzzling his face in her neck and slowly kissing it. Smiling, she turns around in his arms, scooching closer._  
_“Fine, five more minutes,” she agrees, pressing a soft kiss on his lips._  


With a start, Barry wakes up to the sound of his alarm. For a second, the memory, no, the dream, still lingers with him, filling him with a happiness he didn’t know could be real. Then again, it wasn’t real. He rubs the sleep from his eyes, his heart plummeting despite himself when he looks at Iris beside him. Before she can wake up, he heads to the shower, grabbing his phone on the way. 

_ _

Caitlin turns off her alarm and rolls over in her bed, just a few more minutes of sleep, before she really has to get up. Lately, she hasn’t been getting enough sleep, courtesy of a lot of late nights at Starlabs trying to locate Cicada and figure out how to fight him, mixed with the recurring nightmares of him killing Barry. But when her phone chimes on her nightstand, she can’t help the sleepy smile forming on her face. She takes her phone knowing it’s a text from Barry, like every morning, and every night, for the past week, just him checking in on her.  
Obviously, she doesn’t answer him every time, she shouldn’t encourage this kind of behavior after all, but she also isn’t doing anything to make him stop, she enjoys it too much. Waking up to Barry’s sweet texts has become her guilty pleasure and she just can’t imagine having to go without them again. Out there she has to be professional, his friend, definitely nothing more, but alone at home, sometimes she would let herself imagine … 

_ _

Cisco knows the moment Caitlin has entered the cortex, not because of the sound of her clicking heels on the floor or the smell of her favorite perfume, but because Barry’s attention has been pulled away. Recently no matter what was going on, no matter how urgent things were, the moment Caitlin stepped into a room, she had Barry’s full attention. Rolling his eyes, Cisco turns around in his chair.  
“Morning Caitlin,” he greets her with a grin.  
“Morning Cisco,” she replies with a smile, then adds, “Barry.”  
“Cait.” Barry just stares at her, smiling like there is nobody else in the room, still, Cisco notices a tension about him, like he’s actively keeping himself from moving.  
Ever since his friend has come out of his minicoma, he’s been acting weird, well weirder than normal. But Cisco has asked Caitlin about it and medically he’s fine, all the scans are normal, no lasting effects from his injuries. So maybe it was the brush with death that changed something, Cisco doesn’t know. Usually, these things will wear off, if not, he’ll just have to ask Barry about it point-blank. Though maybe before his marriage is in shambles. 

Cisco clears his throat and Barry tries to refocus his attention on his friend. He knows that he needs to be more careful, his friends are starting to pick up on things, but Barry doesn’t know how to keep himself even more in check. Already it feels like he is playing this role, the role of Barry Allen, dutiful husband to Iris West-Allen, devoted father to Nora West-Allen, when the real Barry Allen was happily married to one Caitlin Snow. He has hoped that after a while the dream he had about his life with Caitlin would fade, as most dreams do, and that he would feel like himself again, or rather his self before his minicoma. But nothing has changed, his feelings haven’t faded, even a little bit, and not being able to act on them is killing him. How can he be expected to be around Caitlin and not touch her when she’s close, not hold her hand every time she walks next to him, not kiss her when she looks so kissable. How can he go back to pretending she is just a friend to him, when she’s everything. 

“Barry, are you even listening to me?” Cisco demands, pulling him from his thoughts.  
“I’m sorry, Cisco,” Barry replies guiltily, “I’m just tired, I haven’t been sleeping well.”  
“You haven’t?” comes Caitlin’s worried voice from her desk, “maybe I should run some tests.” Barry can’t help the smile forming on his lips, no matter if they’re married or not, this would never change, at the slightest indication that something could be wrong with him, Dr. Snow would worry and run some tests.  
And that is probably the hardest part, because Caitlin feels the same, though there is a distance between them, a line she won’t cross, she is also the same, the same wonderful person who gets him in a way no one else does, who’s always there for him, who makes him a better hero, a better person, who loves him unconditionally, even if it’s not in the same way that he loves her.  
“Maybe you should,” he agrees with a grin, not because he thinks there is really anything wrong with him, but because he can’t forgo the opportunity to spend time with her. So he gladly follows her to the medbay, sitting down on the gurney and letting her poke and prod away. 

_ _

__ _“You need to hold still, Barry.” He groans as Caitlin tries to get the shrapnel out of him before his skin heals over it. Sometimes his healing abilities were the opposite of helpful, especially when they burn through any numbing medication. Sitting on the gurney, he sucks in his breath as Caitlin twists the last piece from under his clavicle. She quickly closes the wound with her ice powers, the cooling effect finally taking away some of the pain._  
_“All healed up,” she smiles at him, but there is still some worry left in her eyes._  
_“I’m fine, Caitlin,” he comforts her, pulling her close. She looks in his eyes and once again they don’t need words to communicate. _

Caitlin tries to be all professional, as she examines her favorite speedster, but there is a tension between them that hasn’t been there in a while. Though the mood is lighthearted as Barry teases her once again about her cold fingers, there’s an electricity between them, as she places the different electrodes to his chest. The fact that Barry is shirtless probably doesn’t help the situation, as she can feel his well-defined muscles under his skin with every touch. But she has to touch him in order to place the electrodes to run the tests, she tells herself, though admittedly maybe not as many as she used. 

While the computer does the scans, Caitlin gets her penlight out to check his eyes.  
“You do like checking my eyes, don’t you,” Barry states teasingly.  
“Well they are really pretty,” she replies before she can think about it. Great, now she’s flirting with him, she has to control herself. But the way Barry just grins up at her with his lopsided smile and his heart eyes, really doesn’t help to calm down the fluttery feeling inside her stomach. 

Thankfully the computer finally beeps with the results, so she can turn to look at them, taking a deep breath to calm herself at the same time. Suddenly she can feel his warmth behind her, Barry has gotten up and stepped behind her to look at the scans himself. This really shouldn’t affect her this much, although he is standing very close, and did his hand just brush her waist? No, she must be imagining it. Still, there’s a weakness in her knees, when she turns around and takes a step to the side.  
“Everything seems okay,” she tells him with a smile. 

Why does he seem disappointed by this news?  
But quickly Barry’s face is all smiles again. “Thank you, Dr. Snow. Can I buy you a coffee for your trouble?”  
She bites her lip as she’s trying to come up with a reply. Though a part of her, a part that is bigger than she wants to admit to herself, really wants to take him up on the offer, she doesn’t want to blur the lines between them even more.  
“Rain check?”, she asks instead, “I kind of still have a lot of work to do before tonight.”  
“Raincheck,” Barry agrees all lightly, at least on the outside, “I should get my work done, too, before tonight.” As he starts to walk back to the cortex, he turns around once more.  
“Hey, do you want me to pick you up tonight?”  
“Aren’t you driving there with Iris?” Caitlin wonders surprised.  
“Oh, yeah, right, probably easier if we meet there,” Barry mutters before sending another smile her way and flashing off to work.  
She doesn’t know if she should look forward to the CCPD Gala tonight or dread it. 


	4. Chapter 4

_“Caitlin, have you seen my tie?”_  
_Sighing, Caitlin pops her head out of the bathroom. “You have more than one tie, dear.”_  
_“You know, the not really red one,” Barry replies, halfway hidden inside their wardrobe. Caitlin now completely steps out of the bathroom, finished with her hair and make-up, but still only a towel around her figure._  
_“Your old burgundy tie got destroyed when that meta attacked Cisco and Cynthia’s rehearsal dinner, remember.”_  
_“Shoot, you’re right,” Barry replies, sitting down on their bed disappointed, “which one am I supposed to wear tonight then? The other ones don’t feel very christmasy.”_  
_“How about the new one I bought you to replace it, it should still be in the bag somewhere,” Caitlin winks at him while taking her own dress out of the closet._  
_But before she can start to get dressed, two arms snake around her waist from behind, pulling her close._  
_“I have the best wife in the whole multiverse,” Barry grins in her ear, before placing a kiss on her cheek. The softness of the towel is only exceeded by the softness of her skin and Barry finds it very difficult to let go of her._  
_“How much time do we have?” he murmurs into her neck, slowly kissing the slope of her neck. He can feel her shudder a little._  
_“Not enough time for that.” But she turns her head, her lips finding his._  
_“You know, I’m really fast,” Barry mutters against her lips. She grins, before stepping out for his embrace._  
_“Unfortunately, you still haven’t mastered the art of redoing my hair and my make-up, so we’d better get dressed.” With a dramatic sigh, Barry returns to hunt for his tie. _

_After getting dressed, Caitlin’s putting on her necklace and earrings as she glances back at her husband, who’s also getting dressed, at normal speed._  
_“Did you lose your speed?” she teases him surprised._  
_“No, I just don’t want to ‘swoosh around’ and mess up your hair,” he replies with a smirk. Laughing, Caitlin closes the distance between them and reaches up for another kiss._  
_“I just might have the best *husband* in the whole multiverse.”_

The clicking sound of heels on the stairs rip Barry from his ‘memories’. He gets up from the couch where he’s been waiting for Iris to get ready. After having ‘bugged’ her, her words, not his, he had been exiled downstairs to wait until she was ready.  
He remembers everything he ever felt for Iris, everything they’ve been through, but he just doesn’t feel it anymore. His real life seems like a pale reflection and in hindsight, he can’t relate to this version of himself anymore. Maybe it seems so dull compared to the brightness of his imaginary life with Caitlin, maybe it had always been so dull but he hadn’t realized it, had nothing to compare it to, hadn’t wanted to realize it. All he knows is that however he has felt about Iris before his mincoma, now all those feelings are gone, leaving only indifference.  
“You ready to go?” Iris asks as she grabs her purse. Biting back the remark that he has been ready for half an hour, he helps her in her coat, before heading out.

“Well this should be fun”, Cisco thinks sarcastically, as he and Caitlin are greeting Barry and Iris in the entrance of the hall. The CCPD has rented a very fancy venue for the Gala and people are dressed accordingly. Which is why Barry has been staring at Caitlin open-mouthed and face flushed for a little too long now.  
“Wow… you.. ehm... you look… incredible,“ he stammers at a blushing Caitlin. In his defense, Cisco has to admit that Caitlin does look really beautiful in her long dark green dress, but then again, Iris looks very hot in her red dress as well. But judging from the daggers she’s staring at Barry, Cisco assumes, Barry hadn’t exactly commented on that. Thankfully, Joe and Cecile arrive at that very moment, which defuses some of the tension.  
They stand around in a circle, sipping their champagne and listening to the boring speeches that have to be made at these kinds of events. Barry keeps dipping his head and whispering comments in Caitlin’s ear while she tries to keep the subsequent giggles inside. Cisco can’t help but smile fondly at his two best friends, truth be told he has missed their camaraderie. Although judging by Iris’ expression, she clearly hasn’t.  
After a while, the speeches are over and people start to mingle and dance. Iris goes off to get some information for a series of articles she’s writing, and Barry does the one thing he probably shouldn’t do. He asks Caitlin to dance, who after a moment of hesitation agrees. Cisco sighs, he should really talk to Barry soon.

He’s holding on so tight. Not that they weren’t dancing at a respectable distance, but with one of his hands in hers and the other on her lower back, Caitlin just feels his presence, his closeness, a warmth, electricity, sparks.  
“It’s a little weird that people are dancing before dinner, isn’t it?” she asks, trying to get out of her head. Barry chuckles.  
“It’s because of Captain Singh, he has this weird obsession with dancing. And the previous years, people often left after dinner, before the dancing part, so this year he has decreed that everybody would have to dance before they were going to serve dinner. He even made us promise we‘d dance tonight. So here I am.” Barry is smiling down at her with his goofy smile that always tugs at her heartstrings, his hands still holding her like this is where she belongs.  
No, she needs to get a grip, they are just two friends dancing, no need to read anything into this, or the way it just feels right.  
“Maybe you should have asked Iris to dance, though?” Caitlin ventures carefully.  
“Nah,” Barry just shrugs nonchalantly, “she’s planning on ‘working the crowd’, as she put it. And I prefer dancing with you anyways.”  
And he’s doing it again. Looking at her that way.  
“Why?” She doesn’t know if she actually wants an answer to that question. But Barry just keeps smiling at her, almost sad, his eyes looking at her… longingly? It makes her insides ache. But she can’t act on it, she can’t close the distance between them, she could only distance herself more, but truthfully, she is incapable of doing so, always has. So she just stays right there, basking in this moment and hoping it won’t hurt too much tomorrow. 

_“Everybody is staring at as.” Caitlin chuckles at Barry’s whisper, letting him sway her to the music._  
_“I wonder why?” she replies teasingly, looking iridescent in her white dress. He doesn’t know how to contain the happiness he feels, it’s like he can never stop smiling.___  
_“Maybe we just look too fancy,” he jokes, as he swirls her around to their favorite song._  
_“Maybe,” she laughs, pulling him closer for a kiss, “I love you.”_  
_“I love you, too, Mrs. Barry Allen.” He tightens the grip around her, knowing he will never have to let her go again._

Reluctantly, Barry lets go of Caitlin, knowing they can’t keep dancing any longer. Dinner is about to be served and people are filing into their chairs. Something has to change soon, he can’t keep stealing these little moments, toeing the line between friendship and something more. Something more he can’t have, something more he used to have, something more, he isn’t ready to let go off.

He takes a seat opposite of Caitlin, who sat down next to Cisco, with Iris on his right side and Joe on his left, facing Cecile. The servers come around with the wine and the entrees, enticing a “finally” from a starving Cisco. As they enjoy the food and the conversation, Barry can’t help staring at Caitlin. Yes, he is admiring her beauty, but he also takes in the little things he’s been missing so much, the way she holds her knife or brings her fork to her mouth, the way she closes her eyes for a split second to enjoy the taste, the way she brushes her lips with the tip of her tongue after every sip of wine. He misses her so much, it’s tearing him in two.

During the main course, a waiter appears once more and refills Caitlin’s glass, ignoring Cisco’s empty one sitting next to it.  
“… So then, Cecile, made me sit up on the stand for a whole hour, so I could ‘acclimate to the feel’,” Joe finishes a story about working with Cecile for the first time that earned him a lot of laughs.  
But Barry suddenly just knows that something is wrong, he can feel it deep inside his gut. He’s casting his eyes around the room, where everything seems normal, before they land on Caitlin. To everybody else, she might look fine, but she is a little bit paler than before, a little bit quieter, her hand moving just a tad slower, her smile a little less bright.  
“You okay?” Barry asks worriedly.  
“Yeah, I’m fine, I think I just need some air,” she responds, before slowly getting up. But Barry can’t shake the feeling in the pit of his stomach. He wants to follow her out, but with Iris’ eyes on him, he hesitates, not wanting to overact. Then he sees Caitlin trip just the slightest bit on the way through the doors and he’s up before he knows it, steady in his resolve.  
“Barry? Barry! I’m talking to you!” But he ignores Iris and quickly goes after Caitlin.


	5. Chapter 5

The moment he exits into the empty hallway, he sees her stagger towards the ladies’ room before losing her balance. Just before she can hit the ground, he catches her in his arms. She’s shaking, looking up at him with scared eyes, trying to form words. “Cait?! Cait?!” He needs to figure out what is happening to her right away. 

With Caitlin in his arms, he runs back to Starlabs, hoping to be able to find answers there. A part of him hoped that Frosts’ healing powers would kick in, but she stays Caitlin. Knowing he needs to slow whatever this is down, he enters Flashtime. He needs to think, but it feels like a part of him remained by Caitlin’s side, panicking. Trying to regain his focus, he closes his eyes and takes a calming breath. And for some reason, his mind supplies the answer right away: the waiter who only refilled her glass and her reaction soon afterwards, she has been poisoned. 

But he doesn’t know which poison, so he can’t get an antidote. His mind keeps racing through the possibilities, trying to ignore the sight of Catlin on the gurney, frozen mid-shake. Maybe if he injects her with adrenaline, Frost could come out and she could heal herself? But the fact that Frost hasn’t come out yet could indicate that something in the poison is preventing just that. And he doesn’t have enough time to try multiple solutions. He needs to get it right the first time. 

If the scientist in him can’t help her, maybe his powers can. When he was poisoned, he’s managed to phase the poison out of his body, maybe he can phase her body through the poison as well. He can phase her through other materials, like a wall, so theoretically it should work. Realizing that it’s his only option, given the limited time, he picks her up in his arms, making sure he has a good grip and starts moving his molecules faster and faster, the vibrations expanding towards Caitlin, shaking her cells as well. 

For a gut-wrenching second it doesn’t seem to be working, but then he can see the mist evaporating from her body. Drained, he puts her down on the gurney, his hand brushing her hair out of her face, his lips calling her name. Ever so slowly, especially for a speedster, Caitlin opens her eyes.   
“Cait?” Her eyes focus on his, a small smile appearing on her face.  
“Oh, thank god, you’re okay,” he mutters, relief sweeping through him as he keeps brushing some hairs out of her face, slowly leaning in and lowering his face. But he stops himself just in time and wraps his arms around her instead, holding onto to her tight. While she returns the gesture, holding onto him as well, he finally lets himself breathe again. He hadn’t lost her, she’s fine, he can hear her heartbeat, still uneven, but strong, he can feel her arms around him. Suddenly he realizes that if he had actually lost her, this Caitlin, the real Caitlin, would never know how he feels about her. Even worse, she still thinks he’s in love with Iris. And in that moment he swears to himself that he is done trying to live his old life, even if his being married to Caitlin had been a figment of his imagination, it had made him realize what true happiness could feel like and he is going to do everything in his powers to find that again.

Caitlin is still feeling a little weak, as she sits on the gurney, waiting for the computer to run its last test. Barry’s in the cortex on the phone with Cisco catching the team up on what happened. Caitlin knows that she’s fine, Frost has taken over for a little while letting her regenerative capabilities run through her, but she still feels shaken up. Somehow the poison had prevented her powers from working and if Barry hadn’t been there, if he hadn’t noticed, … she shudders.

“Hey,” Barry walks back in, looking at her all worried. She must make a pitiful picture, sitting there all disheveled, still in her evening dress, and with most of her hairpins lost in the rush, half her hair had come loose and is tumbling down her shoulder, her make-up probably smeared. Though his tie had come loose as well and his hair was wind tussled, it just made him look even more handsome. Caitlin closes her eyes for a second, she needs to focus. But then she feels something warm fall over her shoulders. Barry had put his jacket around her. Maybe his worry had stemmed more from the fact that she had still been trembling slightly, something she hadn’t noticed until she stopped.   
“Thanks,” she mutters.   
“Anytime.“ He smiles at her, his hand gently rubbing her back, “are you sure you’re okay?” She nods, the computer has finished its last test, she’s fine. At least physically. 

“We’re going to find out who did this,” Barry promises her. She turns her head towards him and once again he’s so close, she can see the green in his eyes. Just like before, when the poison was out of her body, when he had leaned down, so close, when he had nearly…kissed her. Because she’s sure that’s what happened, he had wanted to kiss her. The thought alone had her insides in turmoil. He shouldn’t be thinking about kissing her, she shouldn’t be thinking about kissing him. It wouldn’t have been right, but it wouldn’t have felt wrong either, nor completely out of the blue. But then again, it hadn’t felt completely out of the blue the last time…

“Maybe you should ask me some questions, to make sure I’m fine,” Caitlin suggests suddenly, ”stuff only I would know.” Barry blinks at her a little surprised, but then a smirk crosses his face.   
“What’s the first thing you said to me after I woke up from my coma?”   
“That I needed you to pee in a cup,” she groans, hiding her face in her hands.   
“What unusual thing do you usually carry in your purse?” Barry inquires with a grin.   
“I guess you’re referring to my blood collection kit,” Caitlin admits with a sigh. “You know, you’re making me sound really weird, Mr. Allen,” she reprimands him with a grin.   
“Fine, what do I carry around that makes you laugh,” Barry replies with a wink.   
“A handkerchief,” she grins, “how did we prank Cisco after Earth 2?”   
“Cooled your hands, made him believe you were turning into Killer Frost,” Barry smirks, “what did you say to my abysmal baking skills?”  
“It’s pie, it’s not supposed to be a piece of cake,” Caitlin laughs, “What song…?”   
“Summer Loving,” Barry interrupts her before she can even finish the question.   
They share another laugh. This is her Barry, no doubt about it, that more than anything, finally calms Caitlin down. Yes, she has been poisoned, yes she nearly died, yes Barry has nearly kissed her, but here he is, still right next to her, making sure she’s okay, making her laugh, nothing else really matters.

Seeing Caitlin laugh, slowly vanishes Barry’s worries. She’s fine, still here, still with him. And with all their goofing around, he has finally become aware of something new. He thought all his memories from before his minicoma, had seemed faded, like they weren’t really his, but strangely that only applies to those connected to Iris. All these memories they just referenced, the ones he made with Caitlin, they still feel very real and vivid, even more real than the ones he has of their ‘marriage’. His real life with Caitlin, and Cisco, is what matters most to him, where he feels most like himself. 

He’s still sitting next to her, laughing, when Cisco breaches in.   
“Well, you two seem fine,” he comments dryly, but after a closer look, his expression turns soft, “how are you doing, Caitlin?”   
“Better,” she states with a short nod.   
“Did you find anything out?” Barry asks his friend. Cisco’s appearance has jolted him out of his bubble of relief and he can feel the anger running through him, slowly breaking to the surface. Whoever did this to her is going to pay for it.   
“Yeah, we were able to track down that waiter, but so far he’s playing dumb,” Cisco explains, “Joe and Cecile have taken him down to the station. And I’ve brought you this.” Cisco pulls out a plastic bag with the rest of Caitlin’s wine glass in it. Barry takes the bag.   
“I’ll run some tests,” he says with a glance at Caitlin, “we’ll find out who did this.”

“I think it’s pretty clear, non?” comes Sherloque’s voice from the cortex. Surprised they turn towards the detective, who’s now entering the med bay as well.   
“What do you mean, pretty clear?” Cisco wants to know annoyed.   
“Who would want our dear Dr. Snow dead?” Sherloque inquires patronizingly.   
“I think there are quite a few people that we’ve angered over the years,” Cisco snaps back at him.   
“Yes *we*, mais the killer didn’t try to poison all of you, did he? Just Snow,” Sherloque replies haughtily.   
“Do you think Icicle could be behind this?” Caitlin wonders in a small voice. Barry quickly rubs her back comfortingly.   
“No, I don’t think he would want to kill you, Cait.”   
“Then who?” Cisco wonders, staring at Sherloque, who just gives a long sigh.   
“Well, Cicada, of course. Frost is the only one who’s immune to his powers, so naturellement he needs to take her out if he wants to regain the upper hand.” Barry looks over at Caitlin, Sherloque is right, it’s the logical conclusion. His anger for Cicada is growing to new proportions, he has crossed a line and now he will pay for it. 

But first, he needs to get some proof. “I’ll go ahead and run some tests, prove that the wine was poisoned, so Joe has some leverage on the waiter, maybe he’ll give up Cicada and we’ll know for sure,” Barry states determined, before turning towards Caitlin all soft again, “do you want me to take you home, before? It might be good for you to get some sleep.”   
“Thanks, but Cisco can take me home, the sooner you can prove it’s poisoned and get that waiter to talk, the sooner we can go after Cicada.”   
Barry can still sense the worry in her, but her face is determined and though he doesn’t want to leave her, he knows she’s right. So, with a short nod, he takes off.


	6. Chapter 6

Joe hears the wushing before he even enters the lab at CCPD.  
“Bar?” he calls out to the blurry figure frantically moving at super speed through the lab, “maybe you should at least close the door first.” Joe shakes his head at Barry, who’s distractedly looking up at him, finally still long enough to be seen.  
“Hey, Joe, anything new?” Barry inquires hopefully while turning back to his tests.  
“I was hoping you had something for me,” Joe admits as he walks into the lab taking a closer looks at Barry, who’s still in his tux but with a loose tie and no jacket, seemingly flustered. They had been able to find another witness that places the waiter at the scene, but they need the proof that the wine was indeed poisoned as leverage to get him to talk.

“I think I do,“ Barry says determined, while he keeps moving his hands at superspeed, completing the testing of the wine, “I went through all the security camera feeds and though there were none inside the dining hall, you can see when the guy entered and exited it right before Caitlin comes out. And in a second we should know for sure what he put in the wine.” Though Barry is all business, as usual, Joe can sense a tension about him, something looming just beneath his surface.  
“That’s good,” he replies carefully, before adding, “are you sure, you’re okay?”  
“Yeah, I’m fine, Joe.”  
“Barry?” He really looks up at Joe this time.  
“I will be, as soon as we get Cicada.” 

At that moment, Barry stops moving his hands, the liquid in it having turned bright blue.  
“Definitely poison,” Barry mutters to himself through gritted teeth, his hand gripping the pen fiercely as he notes the details of his analysis in his report before handing it over to Joe.  
“Maybe you should go home and get some rest, I promise I’ll get this guy to talk,” Joe offers though he can sense that it will fall on deaf ears.  
“No, I’m coming with you,” Barry replies determined, the anger in his eyes flashing, an anger that Joe hasn’t seen often, and it always scares him to see his son like that. He knows how strongly and deeply Barry feels things and most of the time his positive feelings, his goodness, his compassion win out, but sometimes he lets himself get consumed by his anger and it never ends well.  
“Barry, look at me,” Joe insists, “I know you want to get this guy for what he did…”  
“He tried to kill Caitlin! That’s what he *did*!” Barry yells agitated, his anger no longer looming under the surface, “and he damn well nearly succeeded!”  
“I know Barry and I understand, but …”  
“No, clearly you don’t, if you think I’ll sit this out,“ Barry snaps back, “now that we finally have the proof we need, I will get some answers and I will end Cicada!” Joe looks at the steel in Barry’s eyes, taken aback.  
“Calm down, Bar. Don’t worry we’ll get these answers, but what’s your plan? ‘end Cicada’? Are you actually planning on killing him?” That finally seems to deflate Barry a little, as he hesitates for a second.  
“No… no, I’m not going to kill him, but he needs to pay for what he did.”  
“And he will, Barry, but you need to step away from this. You’re too close. Look, it’s late and you clearly need some rest. Don’t worry, I’ll get it out of him and I will tell you everything tomorrow, but for now, maybe go home and rest up.” Barry nods his head slowly.  
“Okay. Thanks, Joe.”

Though Barry knows that Joe meant ‘go home to Iris’, his feet take him to his real home, Caitlin. Cisco has written him half an hour ago that he has headed home himself and that Caitlin is fine, but if Barry wants to get some rest, he needs to make sure of that for himself. Although he trusts Joe, it’s difficult for him to turn his back on the investigation and be inactive with Cicada still out there… and after Caitlin. The only place he could hope to find peace right now is with Caitlin, her presence always calms him down and he can reassure himself that she’s okay. 

Unsure if she might already be sleeping and not wanting to spook her, he knocks very lightly on her front door. The moment he hears a rustling inside, he calls out.  
“Hey, it’s Barry.” When the door opens, he stands in front of a very fragile looking Caitlin. Maybe it’s because of the ponytail, maybe because she’s already wearing her PJ’s or maybe he just knows her expressions so well. So he quickly steps inside and instinctively wraps her into a hug, wanting to hold her tightly until she feels safe again. She reacts immediately by encircling him around the waist and pressing her head into his chest, searching comfort in his presence, no questions asked. 

She’s safe. No matter what Frost said, no matter what she told Cisco, no matter the brave front she put up, Barry had taken one look at her and seen right through her facade. And a facade it was, her brain telling her that she was safe, her heart unable to believe it unless Barry was around. She had thought herself stronger. Wanted to be stronger. Maybe it was okay not to be stronger.  
Still on edge, sleep had eluded her, but now surrounded by Barry’s arms, she’s finally calm, even sleepy. Standing suddenly seemed very straining. She slowly loosens her grip on him, to which he reacts immediately, opening up his arms and taking a half step back, his hand lingering on her arm, his eyes waiting for hers when she looks up, a soft smile on his face, taking stock of her, making sure she’s okay. 

Barry’s eyes flicker to her couch, stacked with blankets and pillows, like a fuzzy nest hoping to entice some sleep.  
“Can’t sleep?” he deduces gently. She shakes her head.  
“I hoped maybe the sound of the tv would help, but it didn’t.”  
“Want me to stay with you until you fall asleep?” the words echo a memory so soft, so distant, like a dream. She nods, muttering a faint thank you. Yes, she wants him to stay until she’s asleep, or longer… She quickly banishes the thought, she’s stronger than that, she has to be stronger than that, she would be stronger than that tomorrow.  
Right now, she sits down on the couch next to Barry and lets him wrap her up in a blanket and pull her close to his side, knowing that for right now she is safe.

Barry lets his hand trace the back of her hand as she sweetly drifts off, her head on his chest. He can feel her breathing, her heartbeat, she’s safe, by his side. Tonight he would be there for her, but tomorrow he would finally act. Ever since his minicoma he’s been reacting to everything happening around him, trying to get back to the way things were, trying to blend into his old life, but no more. Tomorrow he will act, he will catch Cicada and then he will talk to Iris, tomorrow he will start his new life.


	7. Chapter 7

Caitlin’s eyes slowly flutter open as the sunlight shines through the window of her living room. Remembering last night, she turns around only to find Barry gone. Trying to ignore her sinking heart, she sits up straight, rubbing the sleep from her face. Then her eyes land on a cup of coffee next to a piece of paper on her coffee table. Smiling, she unfolds the paper.

‘Good morning, Cait. I had to head into work (Joe has a new lead on Cicada) and I didn’t want to wake you, I feel like you deserve to sleep in for once (Hope you’re not mad that I turned off all your alarms) After I swing by CCPD, I’ll be at Starlabs. If you want me to pick you up, just text me, otherwise, I’ll see you there :) – Barry ‘

Beaming, she takes a sip of the coffee, which is still surprisingly warm, and heads to the shower. Typical Barry to worry about her being sleep deprived. She has to admit she loves the little things he does for her, protect her where he can, but how he also knows she’s not just going to stay on the sidelines.  
Yesterday she had been really shaken up. She has faced death so many times, but this time it had been different. The poisoning had completely caught her off guard with no time to defend herself. She would stare death in the face if she had to, but she never thought it would sneak up on her. But today, she’s determined not to be caught off guard again, today they would catch Cicada and he will have to answer to her.

Cisco’s sitting at Starlabs, starting to get worried. So far, no one else has shown up, and Caitlin is never late. He’s just about to call Barry, when he flashes into the room.  
“Joe got us a lead on Cicada, “ Barry says instead of a greeting, “once we had proof that the wine was poisoned, the waiter folded like a cheap suit. He couldn’t tell us much, but we have all the info on the money transfer.”  
Cisco takes the outstretched piece of paper from Barry and turns towards the computer to do his magic. He keeps glancing over at Barry, fully expecting him to ask about Caitlin’s whereabouts, like he has done every time she wasn’t here lately, but nothing. Which leads him to only one conclusion.  
“So, do you know where Caitlin is?” Cisco wonders all innocently.  
“Yeah, she’s sleeping in today, she’ll be here soon,” Barry replies absentmindedly, waiting for the screen to give him the information he’s seeking.  
“And Iris?”  
“No idea,” Barry mumbles distractedly. Hearing his suspicions confirmed, Cisco is just about to say something, when the computer signals a result.  
“The IP address from the transfer belongs to this property, some old house in the middle of nowhere,” Cisco swiftly locates the address on a map. Seeing Barry turn toward his suit, he quickly adds.  
“Wait, we need a plan.” Barry turns back around.  
“We can’t wait too long, maybe he’s not even there.”  
“But if he is, we need a way to disable his dagger for good.” 

“Maybe I can help with that.” Cisco turns around to find Caitlin walking in, her trepidation from last night seems to have given way to only determination. Still, Cisco can see Barry’s eyes flicker all over her, making sure she’s okay.  
“Are you sure?” Cisco doesn’t know if Barry means sure she’s okay, sure she wants to help, sure she’s able to face Cicada, or maybe all of the above, but apparently Caitlin understands him.  
“I’m sure,” she nods resolved. While they’re staring at each other, again, Cisco briefly wonders if he should use the time to get himself a cup of coffee.  
“Okay, then let’s figure out how to get Cicada once and for all,” Barry says determinedly.

The only sound comes from the gravel crunching under the heels of her boots as Frost slowly approaches the house, or rather the cabin. The sun has started to set and it is already dark with the trees blocking out the last of the sunlight, the only light comes from inside the house, though all the curtains are drawn and it is eerily quiet. According to Cisco, there is one heat signature coming from inside, most probably Cicada. Frost has faced a lot of dangers, it comes with the territory of trying to be a hero, (or a villain) but she isn’t one to scare easy. Except right now, she is. Cicada had seemed like a minor inconvenience, his eluded capture more due to luck than cunning and after finding out that her powers are immune to his dagger, she hadn’t blinked twice before confronting him. But now things are different, Cicada trying to poison Caitlin has affected her more than she cares to admit. And for the first time, he seems like a formidable enemy, not to be taken lightly. So now, here she is, swallowing her fear and drawing on her anger, ready to knock on the door of their enemy.

“You can’t be the bait, Caitlin,” Barry throws up his hands in frustration, they were going in circles. To defeat Cicada they needed their powers, to retain their powers they needed to get the dagger away from him, to do so they needed their powers.  
“But I’m the only one whose powers work in the presence of the dagger. I need to be the one to disable it,” Caitlin holds her ground.  
“If you’re occupied with the dagger, Cicada can hurt you or worse.”  
“If we go with her, we can attack Cicada the moment his dagger is dampened,” Cisco interrupts. Caitlin shakes her head.  
“The moment you approach, his dagger will sense your powers.”  
“But not yours?” Barry looks at her, worry eating at him from the inside, they didn’t know enough about this dagger, they were going in blind.  
“I think we can make an educated guess, that it doesn’t pick up my powers since it can’t dampen them either,” Caitlin tries to assure him with little effect, “also I can handle myself!” A little bit of Frost coming out in the last part. Barry deflates.  
“I know you do,” he murmurs all soft, “but I still don’t like you walking in there alone.”  
“The moment I take care of the dagger, you can be there. Nobody’s faster than the Flash,” she adds with a smirk.  
“Or a breach,” Cisco adds proudly. Barry’s hands are around the nape of his neck, trying to ease his growing tension.  
“Last time you couldn’t freeze that dagger very long,” he finally admits.  
“It was long enough,” this time Frost has completely come out,” long enough to get the upper hand.”  
“He still escaped!” Frost murmurs something that sounds a lot like “because you let him” But before he can react, Cisco interjects.  
“But that time you didn’t have me! I can breach the dagger away, for real this time. Come on, Team Flash, I know we can do this!” Barry lets out a big sigh, clearly, he’s outnumbered here. He looks over at Frost.  
“Are you sure?” She returns his stare.  
“I am.”  
“And so am I.” This time it’s Caitlin speaking. 

Frost can hear the footsteps approaching from the inside, they had been training all day, they were ready this time. The door opens wide and Orlin stands in the doorway, illuminated by the light from the inside, though his face lies in the shadows, Frost can see his eyes widen.  
“Surprised to see me?” she smirks as a powerful blast of her ice powers throws him down the hallway. She lets a hail of icicles rain down on him, her satisfaction growing with every sound escaping Cicada’s lips.  
“The dagger,” Caitlin’s voice is reminding her of her true objective, she can’t let her anger cloud her judgment. She summons an ice wall around Orlin, giving her enough time to spot the dagger lying in the living room table.  
“Now!” she yells into her comms as she starts freezing the dagger. At the same second, the Flash comes running into the house and Vibe breaches in from the ceiling. While Barry tackles Cicada, Cisco steps up next to her.  
“Ready?,” she asks, already feeling her energy drain from pinning the dagger to the table, while it tries to get to Cicada. Vibe nods and starts opening a breach next to the dagger. Frost takes a deep breath and forces even more ice towards the dagger, slowly moving it into the breach. The moment it touches the breach, Cisco encloses the dagger with it and vanishes the breach to the dead Earth 15.  
“I’d love to see him bring it back from there,” Cisco grins proudly, as they turn back towards Barry giving Cicada the beating of his life. 

“Flash.” Though Frost calls out his name quite softly, it’s enough to calm Barry down. With one last punch, he knocks Cicada out, throwing on meta cuffs for good measure.  
“Team Flash!” Cisco cheers, while Barry just smiles at his friends fondly.  
“You guys okay?” comes Joe’s voice over the comms.  
“Yeah, tell CCPD, we’re bringing Cicada in,” Barry responds.  
“Did you guys really just defeat Cicada on your own?” Nora wonders having just arrived at Starlabs.  
“Actually, it was super easy, barely an inconvenience,” Cisco replies gleefully, “I don’t know why it took us so long to catch him in the first place.”  
To which Flash and Frost just roll their eyes.


	8. Part Two

“Hey man,” Cisco greets Barry as he walks into the Speedlab chewing on his latest straw of licorice, but Barry just sits on the stairs lost in his thoughts.   
“You okay?” Cisco wonders as he passes him on the steps walking towards his computer on the elevated platform.   
“Not really,” comes his friend’s low response making Cisco turn back around and slowly sit down next to Barry.   
“I get it, I miss Nora too. And Sherloque. But with Cicada defeated, they needed to go back, “Cisco says, patting Barry on the shoulder, “Nora already stayed way longer than she was supposed to, who knows what changes she made to the timeline.”   
“No, I know,” Barry sighs absent-mindedly, “it’s a good thing she’s back in her time.”   
“Then what’s up?” Cisco keeps looking at his friend wondering if he is actually going to get a real response at some point. He’s about to get up and fetch Caitlin, when Barry murmurs tonelessly. “Iris and I broke up.” Cisco’s first instinct is to chuckle at the absurd idea, except, after these past few weeks, the idea isn’t that absurd anymore, add that to Barry’s current expression… 

“What happened?”   
“I talked, she yelled,” Barry replies tonelessly.   
“I’m sorry. Are you okay?”, Cisco inquires gently, unsure how Barry feels about this new turn of events.   
“There was just so much anger,” Barry whispers, before taking a deep breath and finally looking up, “but it was the right choice, I know it was. I just wish I’d realized a few things sooner.” Cisco rests his hand on his friend’s shoulder trying to convey some comfort.   
“I guess near-death experiences can put things in perspective.”

Barry looks at him surprised. “What do you mean?”   
“I mean, your brush with death, when Cicada put you in that coma, you’ve been different ever since. For a moment I was afraid you had messed with the timeline again,” Cisco explains with a low chuckle. But Barry just nods slowly.  
“I was afraid of that too, for a moment there, after I woke up,” he sighs when he sees Cisco’s puzzled expression, ”there is something about that coma that I haven’t told anybody.” Cisco stares at his friend, curiosity sweeping through him mixed with a feeling of trepidation, would he finally get an explanation for Barry’s recent behavior? Would he want it? “But you have to promise me not to tell anybody about it, at least not yet.” Yeah, Cisco is pretty sure he’s not going to like what he’s about to hear. Readying himself, he takes another bite of his licorice.  
“When I was in that coma, I dreamt of a different life, a life that felt much more real than my actual life, a life where… a life where I was married to Caitlin.” Cisco coughs, nearly choking on his candy. After a few breaths, he has managed to calm himself again. “Go on.”

“You should tell her,” Cisco finally says after listening to Barry’s explanations. Barry quickly shakes his head.   
“I can’t tell Caitlin, it wouldn’t be fair to her.”   
“Why not? You just told me you love her, that you want to be married to her again, that…”   
“I can’t,” Barry interrupts his friend. He gets where Cisco is coming from, wanting to see his friends happy, but he can’t undo the last few years with a few words.   
“Look, all I want to do is run to her and tell her that I love her, but I can’t just show up at her door, tell her Iris and I are over and that I want to marry her. There are just so many things to consider. I mean just because I dreamt it, doesn’t mean she feels the same way about me.”   
“I’m sure she does feel the same way, Barry” Cisco reassures his friend.   
“Maybe,” Barry continues, knowing that he would risk that rejection any day at the off chance to find that happiness, “but even so, everybody still thinks I love Iris, hell legally, I’m still married. It will look like I’ve done a one-eighty on my feelings or like I want to replace Iris with Caitlin and I can’t have her thinking that. I need to give this more time, time to rebuild, time to undo what I’ve done. I already hurt Iris, I won’t hurt Caitlin, too.”   
“I understand Barry, I do, but didn’t you break up with Iris to be with Caitlin?” Cisco wonders.   
“No!” Barry shakes his head vehemently, “I ended things with Iris because it was the right thing to do, I wasn’t happy, we weren’t happy. I felt like I was living a lie and it needed to stop. Being married to Caitlin was only a dream, but it showed me the truth of my feelings and I had to act on that realization. Do I hope that I have a future with Caitlin, of course, I do, but that wasn’t my motivation for ending my marriage, you see?” Barry looks at Cisco, hoping to convey his exact feelings. Caitlin isn’t the reason his marriage failed, but she isn’t a second choice either, and he needs his friend to see that.   
“Yeah, I see. I guess, I at least know now, why you didn’t tell anybody about your coma-dream,” Cisco looks at his friend, meeting his gaze with new understanding.

Suddenly, a loud crash comes from upstairs. Without hesitation, Barry speeds into the cortex, to find Caitlin lying next to a dented cabinet as if she’d been thrown into it. A dark hooded figure, with a scary resemblance to Cicada, is hovering next to the console, with his back turned towards Barry. But with his powers still intact, Barry has put on his suit in an instant and is by Caitlin’s side, relieved when he sees her stir. Only then does he turn towards the figure intruding on their safety. Again, he is reminded by the striking resemblance to Cicada, but he knows that cannot be. With his dagger disposed of on Earth 15, Orlin Dwyer is safely tucked away in prison. 

“What do you want?” Barry calls out, taking a step towards the intruder, who’s slowly turning around as if his interference was just a little nuisance.   
“A little information,” the figure snarls through some heavy breathing. Now facing Barry, he realizes that his shape is slenderer than he had thought, more feminine.   
“For now,” the person adds ominously, before raising his hand towards the Flash. An orange ray of light and power hits Barry, encircling him, and suddenly his connection to the speedforce is severed. 

How did he, she, manage that without Cicada’s dagger? Not only is his power gone, but the orange-tinged stream also immobilizes him completely from the shoulders down. With a glance backwards, he can make out a head of white hair, Frost has taken over. Without hesitation a blast of ice shoots from her hands directly towards their new foe, who deflects it easily with some sort of rounded dagger. Undeterred Frost lets a hail of ice shards loose, but the same beam springs from the figures hands and pulls a monitor in front of him, shielding him from the hail.

At that moment Cisco enters the cortex, Ralph on his heels. Cisco and Frost keep sending vibes and blasts towards him, but they are all deflected by now two red-hued daggers. Ralph stretches himself towards the weapons cabinet, slowly reaching for one when he’s hit by the orange beam as well, hoisted into the air and pinned to the wall, unable to move. 

And Barry can only watch it all unfold before him, his heart nearly stopping every time another piece of equipment or another beam misses Frost by a hair, worried for his friends, unable to move. They need a plan. Frost and Vibe don’t relent, but he can tell that their energy is waning, while the intruder still seems unfazed. Though his attention is fixed on the frontal attack... Maybe if somebody could sneak up from behind… But Barry is only able to move his head...  
Which means so could Ralph. Shaking his head vigorously, he tries to get Ralph’s attention, trying to mimic his plan. The elongated man catches on quickly and true to his name, he elongates his neck slowly stretching his head behind this new version of Cicada. With his neck like a rope, he swings it swiftly towards the figure’s legs, taking his feet out from under him. 

For a second, Barry thinks it has worked as this Cicada falls backwards, when Barry’s whole body suddenly gets tugged away by the beam, flying in front of him and serving as a shield. He can feel Cisco’s vibrational blast hit him, painfully reverberating through him, while his skin stings from Frost’s icy mist. The impact sends him flying across the room, his head forcefully crashing onto the edge of the console. A searing pain envelopes him and he can only make out his friends crying out for him, hastening towards him, while the figure slowly pockets a device and flies away, before unconsciousness claims him.


	9. Chapter 9

How is she back here again? They thought they had defeated Cicada, they *had* defeated him and yet… Barry is lying once again in the medbay, still unconscious, while Caitlin is listening to the beeping of his heartrate like it’s her own. Every time his heartrate spikes, so does hers. 

The moment Frost had reached Barry, she had closed the gaping wound on his forehead with her ice powers. Ralph and Cisco had helped her carry him on the gurney, before starting to sort through the debris in the cortex, slowly putting everything back where it belonged. While she sits where she belongs, next to Barry’s bedside, staring at his temple, all healed up once more. Still, it had been the same place, the injury from Cicada’s dagger, the impact from the corner of the console where this new version of Cicada had thrown him, last time he had been unconscious for days, what if…   
Caitlin quickly shakes her head, no, she sealed the wound, no internal bleeding, maybe he would have a concussion, but that’s it … he would wake up soon. But nothing can stop her from worrying, because she doesn’t see the healed-up temple, she sees an open wound, blood gushing out, even with her eyes closed. 

Though it feels like hours, it can’t have been more than one, before Barry slowly opens his eyes again. The relief sweeping through her only intensifies after an easy smile appears on his face when he notices her.   
“Hey there,” he greets her groggily before his face becomes a bit more serious as he remembers what had happened.   
“Is everyone okay?” he wants to know, as he starts to lift himself in an upright position. She stops him gently before he can jump to his feet.   
“Yes, everyone’s fine,” she reassures him but quickly uses her penlight to check his eyes for signs of a concussion.   
“Tell that to my equipment,” Cisco mutters sarcastically as he walks into the medbay, before flashing a smile at his friend.   
“Nice, to see you back with the living,” he grins,”unfortunately, I have bad news, I figured out why this Cicada 2.0 came here.”   
Though Barry’s attention is now on Cisco, he clearly still notices her fidgety hands, checking his eyes, his pulse, anything to keep her occupied so her work can calm her, for Barry slowly puts his hands on hers, lowering them down and giving them a quick squeeze and weirdly actually managing to calm her down. 

“He used the device, he made off with, to hack our computers and download a lot of information,” Cisco explains with a sour look on his face, personally offended that someone or something had been able to bypass his security, “that device was very advanced, I’d even venture futuristically advanced to succeed this quickly.”   
“So what? Are you saying we’re now fighting a Cicada from the future?” Barry wonders out loud.   
“And one who doesn’t need the dagger to neutralize our powers,” Ralph interjects joining the trio.  
“Also did anybody else notice that he looked kind of feminine?” Caitlin muses slowly. Barry nods.   
“So what, we’re now fighting SHEcada?” Cisco huffs annoyed. 

“Cisco, can you find out what kind of information she downloaded?” Barry inquires determined once again, as always nothing can keep him down for long.   
“Yeah, but it’s going to take some time,” Cisco responds already turning back towards the remains of the cortex.   
“I’ll help you,” Ralph offers as he follows him out of the medbay.

“You okay?” Barry looks back at Caitlin, who realizes that she’s still standing very close to him. She wants to move, but something in his eyes keeps her rooted to the spot. She nods, then shakes her head.   
“I was just starting to get over the nightmares, knowing that Cicada was safely behind bars, after everything he’s done to us…” her voice trails off,” and now we have to face a new version of him, a stronger one.” She shudders, seeing blood pooling from Barry’s forehead once again, her body remembering the poison coursing through her.   
“It will be okay, I promise,” Barry says soothingly, snaking his arms around her, pulling her close and just holding her for a little while.

“Barry, are you sure you’re okay?” Barry looks up at Caitlin surprised, but with a smile playing on his lips.   
“Yes, I’m sure Dr. Snow.” While Cisco and Ralph are digging through the computer records, Barry is speeding around and clearing the cortex in no time. He even made them all coffee, winking at her as he handed her her favorite mug, and is now sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of an open hatch to the hardware of their security system, trying to reboot the whole thing. As he’s tinkering on, Caitlin can actually see the version of Barry Allen who would go on to create Gideon. Still, they have just taken a serious hit and encountered a new foe, but Barry seems lighter than he has been for a long time now. 

Barry looks down at his phone after it vibrates, letting them know that Joe has heightened the security measures on Orlin Dwyer. It was good news that the original Cicada is still in prison and it let Caitlin breathe a little easier for now. Good thing, they had Joe and Cecile on their side. Suddenly Caitlin gapes at Barry.   
“I’m so sorry, I forgot, I should have called, why did I forget to call her,” she mumbles agitated. Barry stands up in one fluid motion turning towards her.   
“Who? What are you talking about?” he wonders surprised.   
“Iris,” she responds, ”you were hurt and I forgot to let her know. She’s not going to be happy about this.” There is something in Barry’s eyes she can’t quite make out, maybe anger? But when he looks at her, his eyes are so soft, it can’t have been.   
“Don’t worry about it,” he reassures her, before taking a deep breath,” I guess there’s something I should tell you…”

Barry takes another mouthful of Chinese as an easy smile plays on his lips, though he knows it probably shouldn’t. His marriage is over and there is a new Cicada out there with who knows what kind of powers. But sitting at Cisco’s kitchen table, eating take-out with his two best friends, he can’t help but feel happy. And lighter, so much lighter. He hadn’t been aware of the weight until it was lifted, like a noise that’s making you restless that you only notice once it’s gone and the silence brings relief. How he had ever fooled himself into mistaking that burden for happiness, he doesn’t know. But being free of Iris makes him happier than he had been throughout their relationship, a thought that in turn makes him sad. 

“I’m telling you she wants it for herself,” Cisco says loudly once again and snaps Barry from his thoughts.   
“And I’m telling you she wants it for Orlin,” Caitlin replies stubbornly. Cisco shakes her head.   
“Nope, definitely for herself.”   
“But she already has two daggers,” Caitlin argues once more.   
“But they don’t do the same as Cicada’s original dagger,” Cisco counters.

“What do you think?” Caitlin looks over at Barry.   
“Oh no,” Cisco interjects before he can reply, “he always sides with you.”   
“Does not!”   
“Does so!” Barry chuckles before interrupting their bickering.   
“*I* think that it doesn’t really matter why she’s looking for the dagger, we can’t even be sure that’s what she’s doing.”   
“Oh great, now he’s doubting my whole expertise,” Cisco grumbles.   
“I do not,” Barry replies with an eye roll, “but you said yourself that based on what information Shecada stole you can’t be completely sure. That she’s after the dagger is just our strongest theory.”   
“So what do you want to do?” Caitlin asks him.   
“I don’t know. What can we do really? The dagger is on Earth 15, there is no way Shecada can have found out about it…”   
“Do you think we should go check to make sure?” Caitlin wonders slowly.   
“Hell no,“ Cisco says determined, “we’re not leading Shecada to the dagger, that’s how they always get you.”   
“They?” Barry wonders with a smirk, but he agrees with Cisco.   
“We can’t do anything more to protect the dagger, maybe try to keep an eye out for interdimensional breaches, but that’s it. I guess we should try to find out more about Shecada, but if she’s really from the future…” Barry shrugs.   
“But let’s worry about that tomorrow,” he adds, seeing Caitlin hide another yawn.   
“I’m not tired,” she objects catching his look.   
“Sure,” Barry smiles softly, “I’ll take you home.”   
“I’m perfectly capable of driving home,” she adds but there is no bite in her voice.   
“I know,” Barry replies, “but I’ll sleep better if I made sure you’re home safe.” That seems to completely mollify her as she just puts on her coat and lifts her arm to let him scoop her up.   
“See you later,” Barry calls to Cisco since he’s going to crash at his place tonight, before speeding off. Though he has offered to let Iris stay in their loft, she refused to stay in an apartment he had bought ‘without asking her opinion’, just another blow that fortified him in his decision. But he doesn’t want to stay at the loft either, since it hasn’t felt like home for a long while now, so he had gladly accepted Cisco’s offer to crash at his place.

Standing behind her kitchen counter, Caitlin takes another sip of her hot tea as her eyes trail Barry sweeping her apartment.   
“All clear,” he calls out as he walks back into her living room and open kitchen, a grin plastered on his face. She rolls his eyes at him but grins back.   
“I guess I should be happy you didn’t actually do a tuck and roll before entering each room,” she teases him, pushing another cup of tea towards him. He settles himself across the counter from her, taking a sip of the tea and smirks.   
“Actually, I believe I would have made an excellent secret agent.” Though Caitlin can see a fumbling Barry falling over his own two feet, a trait definitely detrimental to a life as a spy, her imagination also supplies her with images of Barry in a suit and she can’t help but agree. She quickly takes another sip of the tea, hoping to conceal her blushing cheeks.   
“I’m sure you would have,” she then agrees lightly.

As Barry picks up a book from the counter, one of her current reads, and checks out the back cover, she can’t help but study him. How was it possible that he’s this… happy. He just broke up with Iris, his wife, the love of his life, his destiny, and yet, here he is full of laughter. And she knows him well enough to be sure he isn’t hiding anything, she can read him from across a room after all and this feels genuine. He seems like his own self again, full of light and a hope that’s contagious. She hadn’t realized just how dim his spirits had become until she saw it contrasted like this. Caitlin isn’t sure what all of this means, but she’s glad to have this Barry back. 

“That sounds interesting,” Barry says looking up from the book description.   
“It is,” she nods, “I’m nearly done and so far I love it, especially how the science is actually well researched and plausible enough for a science fiction novel. Unfortunately, there is a sequel.” Barry raises his eyebrows at her.   
“Are you that big of a fan of stand-alone books?” Caitlin laughs.   
“No, I mean I do prefer them, but my main problem at this point is my dire lack of shelve space for any new books.” She sees him observing her living room more closely, picking up on the stacks of books that have collected all over the place.   
“You know that there is a very easy solution for your problem, right?” When she just looks at him, he adds. “Getting another bookshelf! You have the space for it.”   
“I know,” she sighs,” but not the time.”   
Nor the energy to schlep a bookshelf home and assemble it by herself, if she is being completely honest. Probably picking up on the real reason without her having to say anything, Barry just states.   
“I’ll go with you.” Caitlin smiles at him but replies. “  
You don’t have to. We kind of have more pressing issues right now.” Barry just shrugs.   
“We always do, but I’m sure we’ll find some time. And I rather enjoy myself a good bookshelf hunt.” Caitlin chuckles and nods. It would be nice to have him come along and Barry might have more free time from now on than he used to have, after all.


	10. Chapter 10

Frost is facing the Flash, her hands swirling with ice cold mist, she can see the speedforce running through his eyes from across the room, readying himself. The Flash may be fast, but she had always known when and where to strike, instinctively, not relying on her eyes or ears to try to track his movements, just on her gut. And so far it hadn’t failed her. She knows she can take him, she’s ready to attack. As soon as Ralph gives the signal…

This morning Ralph had called a team meeting. He had gone over the video from the security cameras of Shecada’s attack that Cisco and he had recovered, and had come to a conclusion. Not so much about Shecada though. “This is not teamwork, people!” he called out, “we all use our powers individually, and really well, but we still don’t manage to use them as a team. A team is not an assortment of individuals using their powers, but people working together and using their powers to complement each other!” It had been a long but sort of rousing speech that even made Frost feel invigorated. So Cisco and Ralph had come up with new training sessions to optimize their powers working in unison and they have been at it for hours. 

Frost has to admit that it really did help, these new forms of training sessions. Right from the start, she has had an immense control of her abilities, what she could do, how she could use them, it had been instinct. But ever since she has joined this team of do-gooders, and she means this fondly by now, she has held back. Afraid that she would go too far and they would see her as *Killer* Frost again. 

But as they have been training together, they had pushed her not to hold back, and so slowly she has and she has yet to see any fear in her eyes.  
“They are not afraid of us anymore,” Caitlin would reassure her, “they are our team, our friends, *your* friends.” And maybe she is right. Frost can call them her friends. Ralph, who had only known her as part of the team, is maybe even more her friend than Caitlin’s. Cisco, always loyal to Caitlin, has taken a little more time but is now just as loyal to her. He has even hinted that he’s working on a suit for her, a gesture that tells her that she truly belongs on the team. And Barry, the Flash, the superhero, she can finally see why people rallied around him, why everyone is drawn to him, especially Caitlin. Though Frost knows that Caitlin’s feelings for Barry have always been a little bit more than just friends. And judging from the late night and early morning texts she’s been receiving lately, maybe Caitlin is more than just friends to Barry too.

When Ralph gives the signal, she doesn’t hold back. Him, Cisco and Barry are supposed to use their powers together to take her on, they have been taking turns to play the opponent, but she knows their powers too well, they don’t stand a chance. More than half an hour later, they are still at it, breathing heavily, sweating, she can feel her muscles starting to ache, but she doesn’t relent. It had taken them forty minutes to take on Barry, she is determined to last longer. It had become apparent pretty quickly that she and the Flash worked best together, even with the two of them facing both Ralph and Cisco together, it had taken no more than ten minutes to incapacitate them. She smirks, she likes feeling powerful. 

Suddenly, the floor opens up under her, and too lost in her thoughts to notice in time, she falls through, reappears from the ceiling and lands on the floor with a loud thud. For a moment it reminds her of the memory of her younger self lying on the ground after the car crash. But she uses her position to her advantage as she freezes the floor, making them all slip on the ice and giving her a chance to get up. But before she can strike again, Caitlin is getting all agitated and feeling her urgency, she lets her take over.

“Cait, you okay?” She had just started to turn, but Barry has noticed the change right away.  
“I just had an idea,” Caitlin says excitedly, “we know Shecada is from the future, so we can’t find out who she is. But it’s also very plausible that she has a connection to Cicada, right?” The others nod, slowly coming closer, as she goes on. “So what if her younger self is actually living in our present?” Barry catches on quickly.  
“You mean Grace?” Caitlin nods.  
“She has a connection to Orlin Dwyer and her coma could be connected to the dark matter from the satellite, it fits.” Excitement filters through the rest of the team, they have a lead. “Let’s go get Grace.” 

“Hi, I’m Dr. Caitlin Snow and I’m here to see a patient. Grace Gibbons.” Barry watches Caitlin as she hands the receptionist her credentials. He stands a few feet away, not wanting to draw any attention. Should the need arise, he could always flash his own CSI badge to get them in. But it would be helpful if Caitlin can access Grace’s medical records and even manage a transfer to Starlabs, so they had decided on the sneakier course of action. Barry smiles to himself as he admires Caitlin, who has donned her white lab coat over her dress, a sight he had seen less and less over the years.

Upon the directions from the receptionist, Caitlin sets out across the floor on her right side and Barry follows suit. When they round the corner, hiding them from the view of the receptionist, he widens the lengths of his strides until he’s walking next to her.  
“Fifth floor,” she mutters with a small smile to him, “she’s under the care of a Dr. Ambres.” He nods as he puts his hand on the small of her back guiding her towards the elevator and pressing the call button. 

“I like you in your official doctor attire,” he says under his breath throwing her a short side glance, “I kind of miss that look.” He thinks he can see a little color flushing her cheeks as she looks at him surprised.  
“I thought you might associate it with you being in pain and in need of medical attention,” she replies thoughtfully. Barry shrugs as they step into the elevator, turning towards the door but still facing each other.  
“It reminds me that you’re a doctor and a scientist first. You know, sometimes I wonder if this whole Team Flash business is keeping you from that,” he adds looking down at her. She bites her lip as she ponders this carefully before responding.  
“It doesn’t. I love the work we do and it definitely challenges me. Every time I walked away, apart from missing my friends, I missed my work. Working just in science, like at Mercury labs, it didn’t fulfill me. And neither did bartending,” she winks at him and Barry has to really get a hold on himself not to just lean down and kiss her right here and now.

When the elevator doors open onto the fifth floor, they are greeted with a lot of commotion coming from down the hall. They share a worried look before hastening towards it. It doesn’t take them long to find its cause. Grace Gibbons has vanished. They are too late.

“You’re pouting.”  
“Am not,” Caitlin replies stubbornly, even though Barry might have a point. After having arrived too late at the hospital, she feels utterly annoyed that their sole lead on Shecada has been snapped away from them as quickly as they found it. Though the expedition had at least wielded Grace’s medical records and the footage from the security cameras of the hospital, which they are now looking through at Starlabs. But with no trace of Shecada on there, her annoyance only grows. She can’t help but feel personally offended that her idea has led to another dead end.  
“It’s not your fault, you know,” Barry assures her as he leaves his position next to her at the console to stand behind her and puts his hands on her shoulders, “your idea was solid.”  
“Yes, solidly late,” she laments, rolling her chair back a few inches, but she can feel some of her tension easing as Barry starts rubbing her shoulders. With a sigh, Caitlin tilts her head back until she’s looking up at Barry. For a moment, she thinks he might bend down and kiss her, but then he just grins. 

“Let’s get some food into you.” She shakes her head.  
“We should keep going through the footage.”  
“The footage will still be there tomorrow,” Barry replies softly, “it’s already late and food is the only thing that will improve your mood right now.” Grumbling, Caitlin gets up, nonetheless feeling once more that Barry might just know her better than she knows herself.  
“What if Shecada gets too big of a head start,” she can’t help but worry.  
“We know she won’t hurt Grace and that’s the only thing that matters. I mean, you’re usually the one telling *me* to take a break and reset,” Barry smiles at her before taking her hand and tugging her along, “come on. I know just where to go.”

“This is so good,” Caitlin sighs between two bites of her tacos. Barry grins at her, already on his third taco himself. The food vendor didn’t even blink at his gigantic order, already used to Barry’s visits at all times of the day. They had settled down not far from the food truck on metallic chairs and tables, close to the waterfront. It’s still chilly for this time of the year, but you can already tell that the days last longer. If they stay for a little while longer, they may get to see the sunset over the water. They are eating in comfortable silence, relishing the taste of greasy and savory goodness. Barry can’t help but smile at the content face Caitlin is pulling, only confirming what he knew already, the effect food has on her mood. He does know her well, he had been married to her after all.  
Barry’s stomach lurches like he missed a step in the stairs. It has been a while since the memories of his imaginary life with Caitlin have intruded on his mind. He smiles to himself, apparently, his real life is finally superior to the fake memories.

With a satisfied groan, Caitlin leans back, knowing she can’t eat another bite and pushing the rest of her taco towards Barry, who takes it with a grin. She loves that they can sit in silence and still be comfortable. It’s nice to sit out here, the wind a bit chilly but not too chilly, with a full stomach and a nice view. She doesn’t know if she means the sun hanging low over the water or the boy sitting across from her. Her cheeks flush slightly but between the rays of the sun and the starting darkness, Barry won’t notice. Though, as of late, it has become sort of a pattern in his presence. Caitlin settles herself in her chair, knowing she has to ask. They haven’t had a real chance to talk yet since he told her about Iris, or maybe she hadn’t really wanted to know, preferring to assume his happiness was genuine, still, she owed it to him to find out for sure.

“So,” she says slowly, “how are you? Really?” Barry looks at her thoughtfully, as he chews and swallows the last of his tacos.  
“Are you going to believe me when I say I’m happy,” he asks seriously. She squints at him.  
“No. Yes,” she sighs, “you seem happy, Barry, lighter, really. But it doesn’t make any sense.” He gives her a half-smile before going on.  
“Look, a part of me is obviously sad that my marriage ended, mostly because it would have been easier if Iris and I had never gotten married. I feel a lot of guilt for hurting her and a lot of regret for how everything went down. Being with Iris was something I always wanted and when I got it, I didn’t question it, ever. But in hindsight, I don’t understand why. I was fooling myself into thinking that I was happy, that this is what I had wanted after all, so obviously I was happy. But when…” Caitlin sees him hesitate for a second before he sighs and continues.  
“After the coma, I just woke up and I saw things clearly, like I had finally broken through the haze of what I wanted my life to be like and was able to see it for what it was. And it took me a while to come to terms with it, and a part of me mourns the fantasy I had to let go off. But now that my relationship with Iris is over… the biggest part of me is just happy, happy to be free, happy to be myself again.” Barry looks at her with a hopeful smile on his face and she returns his gaze, really understanding him, maybe even more than she should. And she can’t help the hopeful smile that spreads on her face as well. 

As Barry walks her home, watching the sunset as they do, she shivers slightly and when he puts his arm around her shoulder, pulling her close, she leans into him, enjoying it without any guilt or second thought.


	11. Chapter 11

Cisco groans, as he rolls back with his chair, his eyes burning from staring at the screen all day. This was so frustrating, it’s been weeks and still no trace of Shecada, no lead, nothing. If they didn’t have the footage from her attack on Starlabs, at this point, he’d be willing to believe that it had all been a figment of their imagination, maybe some shared hallucination. But Grace is still missing and chances are that she didn’t just get up and walk out of the hospital alone. They have to find her. It makes Cisco antsy not to know what Shecada is planning. Is she still in this time? Still looking for the dagger? Will she come for Orlin at some point? To free him? To hurt him? Why hasn’t she done so yet? Why? Why? why?   
Cisco sighs, he’s going to have to put it out of his mind, for now, tonight they are having a movie night at his place. Barry, Caitlin, Ralph and Kamilla. He smiles to himself, his friends had only met his new girlfriend once so far, but they had gotten along great, so he’s really looking forward to this evening. 

“Hey, Caitlin, when is Barry coming home from work?” Cisco calls out to his friend, who’s once again pouring over the medical files of Grace and Orlin and taking copious amounts of notes. She glances at her watch. “In about half an hour.”   
Cisco smiles. Of course, she would know. Though Barry is still living with Cisco, he usually has no idea when his friend will show up.   
“Alright, I’m going to go home and start getting stuff ready,” Cisco says as he gets up and stretches his tired limbs.   
“Need some help?” Caitlin wants to know, though she has yet to actually look up from her work.   
“Nah,” Cisco shakes his head, “I can manage putting out some chips. Do you want me to breach you home?”   
“That’s okay, Barry is coming to pick me up.” Of course, he is. Cisco rolls his eyes, knowing Caitlin she still wants to change, so Barry is going to pick her up, run her home and wait for her to change before finally coming to his place…   
“Hey, Barry is supposed to help me move the furniture around though,” he calls out to Caitlin with a hint of annoyance in his voice. She finally looks up at Cisco who’s standing in front of an open breach and gives him a sweet smile.   
“I’m sure, Barry is fast enough to do both.”   
Cisco can’t help but grin at that and shaking his head, he steps through his portal. 

A little later, everything is ready for his guests to arrive. Barry had actually shown up for a few minutes to help him (while Caitlin was changing or taking a shower, no doubt) before flashing off again. Kamilla had texted him that she’s on her way, so she might be here first. Cisco couldn’t help a little nervousness fluttering through his stomach. This is the kind of thing he wants to be able to do regularly, hang out with all his friends and his girlfriend, so they’d better get along. Ralph told him, he might be a little late, so he’s probably going to show up last.   
And Caitlin and Barry would obviously show up together, as they always did. They have become a package deal these last few weeks, spending all their time together and basically acting like boyfriend-girlfriend in every way. Though they both vehemently denied this. Cisco isn’t even trying to understand them anymore. He had gotten Barry’s reasoning at the beginning, but now… If they finally start dating, or admit to it, nothing would really change. Even Barry’s divorce papers had shown up last week and with those signed and filed, Barry is finally a free man, so Cisco has no clue what he’s waiting for anymore. But they both seem happy, so Cisco won’t meddle… at least not yet.

Barry is back when Caitlin emerges freshly showered and dressed from her bedroom, and he’s standing in front of her still empty bookshelf. They had finally gotten around to buying one and had assembled it just yesterday, but so far she hasn’t found the time to put her books in.   
“Want some help?” Barry wonders, as she steps next to him.   
“Mmm, first I need to figure out where I want which books,” she replies looking over the stacks next to the shelf. Barry nods, putting his arm around her shoulder and pulling her in for a side hug.   
“You smell nice,” he mutters. She just smiles at him, still unsure how to react to these sorts of things. She can feel his eyes trailing over her, suddenly aware how tight her dark pants are, though her long white cashmere sweater is falling down to her thighs. Blushing, she turns to gather her purse, but Barry takes her hand and tugs her back around.   
“You look really pretty,” he smiles at her and she returns it as she lifts her eyes to meet his. Forget blushing, between his hand, his eyes and his smile, her insides are once again in utter turmoil. All she wants to do is step forward and kiss him. But she doesn’t. Even after everything, she’s still too guarded. Or scared, as Frost would put it.   
“Thanks, you look nice too,” she replies before grabbing her purse but leaves her hand in his.   
“Ready?” he asks, before picking her up and flashing them over to Cisco’s.

It turns out to be a fun evening, one often filled with laughter and never a lull in the conversation. Caitlin savors these moments like treasures, in between the craziness of meta attacks and end of the world scenarios, it feels good to spend time with her friends and just have fun.   
Though she sometimes feels Cisco’s eyes on her and Barry, when he would pull her down on his lap, wrap his arms around her on the couch, take her hand in his, or other gestures of intimacy that have come to feel natural to them. She knows that Cisco thinks they’re together and hiding it poorly, but they really aren’t. Truthfully, she doesn’t know what they are.   
For a while now, Barry had been toeing the line between them, but now, since his divorce, he has been firmly planted on the line. Still, he never crosses it and she doesn’t know why. Maybe he just isn’t ready for more yet, and she doesn’t want to push him. Or maybe he never wants more, and she definitely doesn’t want to get her heart broken, it has already broken too many times. And every time it had been Barry how had helped her put it back together, if he’s the one who breaks it… She shudders to even consider it. So she will live on the line with him, for as long as Barry wants to.


	12. Chapter 12

“I’ve been thinking,” Caitlin says over lunch. She’s sitting with Barry and Cisco in the Starlabs lounge, enjoying the pizza Barry has brought over. “I believe the way to defeating Shecada is to cure Grace and bring her out of the coma.”   
Barry nods pensively, he has been thinking a lot about what they would do even if they found Grace or Shecada.   
“But if she wakes from her coma, won’t she turn into Shecada,” Cisco wonders between two bites, “she must have woken up at some point in the future.”   
Caitlin nods. “Yes, that’s why we have to cure her first. Her mind has been infected by the dark matter infused shrapnel that hit her, but if we could rid her of the dark matter, maybe she won’t turn into Shecada.”   
“It would make sense,” Barry agrees, “we’ve seen the meta tech influence people’s actions and character. But didn’t the hospital already take all the shrapnel out?”   
“They did,” Caitlin confirms, “but remember when Cicada hurt Cisco’s hand and it didn’t heal properly because there were still trace amounts of dark matter in there.” Barry and Cisco both nod.   
“What if it’s the same with Grace?”   
“But,” Cisco replies, “we don’t even know where Grace is, and even if we found her, I doubt her older self would just let us take her until we manage to cure her.” But instead of being defeated, Barry can see Caitlin’s eyes shine brightly.   
“That’s why I’ve been thinking we should try this on Cicada first. Orlin Dwyer has also been hurt by the shrapnel, so if we can heal him, we know it will work on Grace, plus it’s much easier to access him.” Caitlin looks very pleased with herself and Barry can’t help but grin broadly.   
“That just might work.”

Joe is sitting in his office, still getting used to the feeling of being the chief of police, when the warrant from the judge arrives that they can transfer Orlin Dwyer to Starlabs.   
“Hey, is Barry in his lab?” he asks as he leaves his office.   
“Yeah, he’s upstairs,” comes the reply from another officer, “with his girlfriend.” Joe looks at him, taken aback.   
“Barry doesn’t have a girlfriend.”   
“That gorgeous doctor from Starlabs who’s here all the time,” the officer explains though there’s some uncertainty in his voice now. Joe just nods and heads upstairs, not bothering to correct him.   
Barry and Caitlin are just friends, yes, she has been here a lot recently, but she’s just being a supportive friend. And it’s working, Joe has never seen Barry happier… What if? No, he’s being silly. Surely, he'd know if... No, they are just friends.

Still, Joe couldn’t help but feel a little apprehensive when he rounds the corner to Barry’s lab, maybe a little part of him expecting to find the pair kissing, or a gust of wind trying to hide that fact, maybe some breathlessness, but he finds nothing of the sort. Barry is at his workstation doing some tests with chemicals that always go over Joe’s head, while Caitlin is sitting at his desk going over some files, both of them immersed in their work. But there’s a feeling of familiarity, a different kind of intimacy, lingering over them.

“Hey, Bar. Caitlin,” Joe greets the pair who look up at him smiling and return the greeting. “I just received the all-clear from the judge to move Orlin Dwyer to Starlabs.” Caitlin practically jumps up.   
“That’s great news. I’ll head over there right now and prepare everything. I think we should be able to move him tomorrow.” Joe nods, he would get a team of officers ready for tomorrow.   
“Do you need any help,” Barry asks Caitlin.   
“No, it’s fine,” she replies as she gathers her coat and purse, “you finish your work, we’re going to need the Flash tomorrow for that transfer.” She looks up at him with a wink and walks towards the door.   
“Bye Joe.”   
“See you soon, Caitlin.”   
“Hey, Cait.”   
Caitlin turns around and looks at Barry.   
“I’ll call you,” Barry smiles at her and she returns the smile. Joe looks from one to the other, the way they are gazing at each other like they are having a silent conversation, maybe the officer had been right after all?

When Caitlin has left, Joe turns towards Barry.   
“So, are you and Caitlin…?” he lets the rest of the sentence hang there, unsure how to finish it.   
“We’re just friends,” Barry replies nonchalantly as he resumes his work. And Joe might have believed him if it didn’t sound like something Barry had repeated many times to the point where it has lost all meaning. Joe looks at Barry for a while, he had been heartbroken when Barry and Iris got divorced, they are his children and he wants them to be happy and to have them be happy together… Though Cecile sometimes says that saying they are both his children and wanting them together is a little weird, but he couldn’t help it.   
But maybe he had been blinded as well. He always wants the best for his Iris and to him, there is no one better than Barry, so the two of them together had always made sense to him. But after they broke up, he could see how much happier Barry is, and after a while, he could see how much better Iris is too, add that to many talks with Cecile, it made him finally see things quite differently. Now he just wants both of them to find happiness again, no matter the form.

“You know that it would be okay, right?” Joe says after a while. Barry looks up surprised.   
“What do you mean?”   
“If you and Caitlin... or you know, you and somebody else... I just want you to be happy, no matter how or with whom.” Barry smiles at him, a happy smile that illuminates his eyes as well.   
“I know.”   
Joe nods and starts to leave.   
“Thanks Joe.”   
He smiles to himself as he waves to Barry without turning around.

Caitlin is fidgeting her bookmark in one hand, the book in the other, reading the same passage over and over without taking it in. With a sigh, she gives up on the endeavor and puts her favorite bookmark, a gift from Barry, back in the same spot. Lifting herself a little off the couch, she reaches for the remote and switches on the TV. But all she does is flip through the channels, nothing’s able to hold her attention. Tomorrow Team Flash would transport Orlin Dwyer to Starlabs. He is going to be in meta cuffs and sedated for the trip and they have more officers standing by. Still, this is Cicada and they have underestimated him so many times, Cisco had to fake his own death, Barry ended up in another coma, and she had been poisoned.   
At that memory, she stands up suddenly, muting the TV and walking over to her kitchen counter to make herself some tea. Even if everything goes as planned, she would be operating on the man who nearly succeeded in killing her. Still, it has been her idea. She chooses her favorite tea from her collection while waiting for the kettle to boil the water. And then there’s still Shecada, maybe she’ll show up if they take Orlin out of his high-security prison. But there is nothing to be done about that, Shecada is still a mystery. All they know, or think they know, is her connection to Grace. If that doesn’t work, Caitlin shudders as she pours the water in her cup adding her teabag and playing with it, while she waits for the tea to be done.

There is a sound from the door that startles her until she realizes it’s the key being turned and Barry walks in. She lets out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. He comes over and gives her a hug. And it might have been just a hug hello, but she knows it isn’t. She’s seen him register the book, the muted TV, her fidgeting hands on the tea and knows that he won’t break the hug until she will, until she’s calm on the inside. So she buries her head in his chest, letting his warmth, his heartbeat and the circles he’s drawing on her back soothe her.

Barry loves the way she’s burrowed into him, loves to know that he can make her feel safe. He kisses the top of her hair, grateful that she always lets him in. In the beginning, after they met, he had worked hard to get her to lower her guard and then that memorable night of karaoke all her walls had come crashing down, and afterwards her guard had always been lowered around him. He’d been afraid that the distance between them had brought these walls back up, but it had taken only a slight nudge and they had completely crumbled. 

She slowly steps back, looking up into his eyes with an intensity that nearly makes him stumble backwards. There is so much -he doesn’t dare think love - in her eyes, it always makes his heart skip a beat and leaves him feeling lightheaded, not sure if he’s still breathing.   
“Thanks,” she whispers, as she turns back to her tea and takes a sip.   
“You worried about tomorrow?” he asks, glad to find his voice steady, as he steps up behind her, his hand resting on her shoulder, not ready to part from her flowery scent or the feel of her touch. She nods leaning back into him, her proximity sending shivers down his spine.

God, he wants to turn her around and kiss her, he wants to stop just thinking he loves her and finally say it out loud, but he can’t. He had wanted to take his time and somehow managed to do the opposite. After his coma, he had tried to distance himself from her but failed miserably in doing so. She was like a magnet, drawing him in, always towards her. And when he had finally been free of Iris, he couldn’t resist the pull anymore and had let himself fall into her. Only stopping short of actually crossing the line. And now he doesn’t know how to cross it anymore. It seems silly to ask her out when he already spends every free minute with her, already having a key to her apartment, though he rarely spends the night and if he did, it was always on the couch.   
He hadn’t wanted to hurt Iris, even more, hadn’t wanted anybody thinking that Caitlin was ‘the other woman’. But he couldn’t resist being close to her, hugging her, taking her hand, …   
Maybe it had been okay though, his divorce was official by now, Iris has started to move on and he thinks she might actually be dating someone new, and based on Joe’s reaction today, he would have said something if he had thought him and Caitlin had been dating right away. And he seems fine with it now, everybody seems fine with it, nobody seems to think she’s the actual reason for his divorce, and he doesn’t think he made her feel like a second choice either.   
But he still doesn’t know how to cross the line now, it feels weird to just kiss her out of the blue now, he’d like to wait for a special occasion or a perfect moment, but he doesn’t want to wait too long. He’s not sure why Caitlin hasn’t initiated anything yet, maybe she just wants to give him as much time as he needs. He’s pretty sure she feels the same way, but there’s always a leap of faith involved. And what if she tires of waiting?   
Soon, he would have to tell her soon.   
But not tonight, tonight would be about tomorrow.

“Tell me,” he says softly, “tell me everything that could go wrong tomorrow.” He now has both hands on either shoulder and he can feel a quiver going through her, unsure if it’s because of Cicada or his touch. But her voice is steady when she starts to speak. He knows he doesn’t need to bring any counter-arguments, she already knows them all, but it helps her to voice all her worries out loud which in turn helps him be better prepared for tomorrow.


	13. Chapter 13

The first part of their plan works out perfectly. Caitlin insisted on telling Orlin what they were attempting to do, even though the judge hasn’t given him much choice in the matter. At first, he seemed pretty reluctant, but after hearing that with a positive outcome, they might be able to heal Grace, his demeanor changed to willingness. They still sedated him for their trip and the transport went smoothly.   
Now Barry is staring vigilantly at Caitlin as she’s operating, she seems at ease, but he knows her well enough to see the tension lingering in her shoulders, in her movements. Cisco is surveilling the cameras around Starlabs, making sure nothing disturbs the process, and Barry made it his mission to assure that Caitlin is safe during the surgery. Plus, he probably would have stared at her anyway, even in her surgical gown she looks stunning. Her hair is pulled back and he can see the extreme concentration on her face as she slowly extracts the minuscule pieces of dark matter shrapnel, even after hours of work, she doesn’t waver, though she must feel exhausted by now. He wants to tell her to take a break, but she had warned him that she has to finish it all at once otherwise the dark matter traces could replicate and grow again, making the effort null and void.

Suddenly the security alarm starts flashing, Caitlin’s hand falters for an instant before resuming her work. She has to finish this, the others are going to need to deal with whatever caused the alarm.   
“It’s Shecada, she’s attacking!”, she hears Cisco’s voice and from the corner of her eyes, she sees him, Barry and Ralph running towards the attack. Caitlin sucks in a breath. Shecada, she must have gotten wind of their endeavor, her stomach tightens, worried for her friends, unable to check if they are okay, unable to join them and help. But she has to continue, she’s nearly there. She takes another look at the scanner Cisco had helped her built, making it possible to trace all the dark matter infused material.   
Nearly there.   
She hears crashes and thumps from the fighting taking place outside, or maybe already inside. Caitlin’s jaw tightens as she keeps working, they had been training a lot, they know how to fight, they could take care of themselves. Still, if they had Frost to help, no, she was nearly done, she can’t get distracted now.   
Soon, she could go help, soon, she could check, soon, soon, soon. 

With a sigh, she removes the last piece of shrapnel. Still, she makes herself check and double-check to be sure that it is indeed the last piece, waiting for the scanner to confirm. Finally, the green text on the screen flashes ‘no dark matter detected’. Relieved, she quickly closes the wound with her ice healing, taking off her surgical gown and letting Frost take over completely as she runs towards the fight. 

But all the noises have ceased, no crashing, nothing. Her heart racing in her chest, she runs faster, what if they are hurt, should she switch back? What if they… no, she can’t finish the thought, she couldn’t have come earlier. God, she should have come earlier.   
Suddenly, footsteps are nearing in her direction. Her heart stills. But she can also finally make out other noises in the distance, voices. She turns a corner and sees Barry heading her way in a brisk pace, Ralph and Cisco walking farther in the background and talking. Relived, she sways on the spot and Frost recedes inside her. She can see bruises, some blood spatters, scratches, but no gaping wounds or other serious injuries. Though a part of her brain is taking inventory of their injuries, the rest is focused solely on Barry and when he closes the distance between them, she just throws herself in his arms, letting him squeeze her tight as both of them ask at the same time. “You okay?”

They are okay. Caitlin’s been tending to their minor injuries and now they are waiting for Orlin Dwyer to wake up, which should be any moment now. In the middle of the fight, Shecada had abruptly turned around and fled Starlabs. They have come to the conclusion that it was the moment Cicada ceased to exist. And though she had gotten away, they had managed to put a tracker on her and are preparing to bring the fight to her. As soon as they are sure the surgery had succeeded. 

The fight has drained Barry and he can see the same level of weariness on his friends, especially Caitlin seems exhausted. She’s clutching a big cup of coffee as they wait and plan. They can’t afford to wait much longer, they need to attack Shecada right away, hoping to find Grace with her. Barry wants Caitlin to stay here, ready to operate on Grace as soon as they have retrieved her, but she won’t have any of it. Caitlin won’t wait around and Frost is still upset she had missed the first fight. So she would come along and Cisco would focus on finding Grace and breaching her to Starlabs. And Barry had made both Frost and Caitlin promise that she would leave the fight at that moment too and start on Grace. Curing her is their only hope to defeat Cicada. Though how Caitlin plans on fighting and then doing another surgery that could last hours without any real break, he doesn’t know and has given up on asking.


	14. Chapter 14

Later that day, they track Shecada to an apartment complex in the middle of the city, a four-story building in a nice neighborhood. Definitely not the place you would look for an evil lair. The signal’s coming from the third floor, a quick scan confirms two heat signatures inside. Shecada and the young Grace Gibbons.  
Unfortunately, the scan also shows the twenty or so other heat signatures in the building. 

“We need to get these people out,” Caitlin says more to herself than anyone in particular because they’ve all been thinking the same thing. The whole team Flash is suited up and ready in the alley across the building, Joe has even sent some reinforcements, but the officers are waiting a block away because they can’t risk spooking Shecada.  
“I can get them out quickly,” Barry starts,” but…”  
“But if you get that close, she may be able to sense your powers,” Caitlin finishes his sentence for him.  
“We don’t know for sure that she can sense our powers, her daggers aren’t the same as Cicada’s original dagger,” Cisco points out, his eyes still on the scanner tracking her movements inside.  
“I don’t think we should risk it,” Ralph says and the rest of the team nods.  
“The moment we’re inside, we need to fight her, we can’t give her a chance to get Grace away,” Barry says determinedly.  
“We’ll keep her occupied until you got everyone out,” Frost’s icy voice comes from his right side, her new midnight blue suit glimmering in the setting sun, her face set. He looks at her and nods. This will end tonight.

Barry holds on to his team and flashes and phases them inside the apartment. He allows himself one heartbeat to assess the situation and make sure their assumptions have been right. They are standing inside the living room and open kitchen, their backs to the front door. On the left are two doors, one left ajar and he can just make out Grace lying on the bed inside, the other will probably lead to a bathroom. Across the room are two windows with Shecada standing in front of the right one, closest to the kitchen. She has started to turn the moment they erupted inside, her hood is lowered and he can make out her surprisingly soft features, tiny braids holding her blond hair out of her face, the resemblance to her younger self striking. Barry doesn’t want to leave his team, but he knows he has to get the civilians out first. So with a deep breath and a last glance at his friends, he puts his trust in their capabilities and starts heading to the people in the apartment next door. 

Barry is gone before Cisco can blink. He can feel the ice blast Frost is already sending Shecada’s way, as he spots the open bedroom door. His objective clear, he starts making his way towards the door. But one of Shecada’s orange blasts heads his way, so he quickly opens a breach in its pathway, swallowing the stream. Swiftly opening another breach, he steps inside and emerges in the bedroom. He wants to rush to the bed, enclose it with a portal and get Grace out of here. But he knows better than to rush. Even though it’s been years since Captain Cold and Heatwave had held Caitlin hostage on that chair, he still remembers the trap wires like it was yesterday. Never again. So he slowly starts checking and scanning the room for any kind of trap. 

Barry takes one last sweep of the building, making sure everybody is out and safe before running back to the apartment. Frost and Ralph have moved in front of the bedroom door, keeping Shecada from reaching Grace. Barry is just in time to move Frost an inch to the left before one of the orange streams can touch her. She doesn’t even bat an eye at the movement, their training really paid off, she only acknowledges his help with a short nod, her attention still fixed on their opponent. The streams keep coming and even the Flash is having a hard time dodging them.  
Suddenly he can spot the blue glow from behind him, Cisco is ready to get Grace out of here. Frost has noticed too because her eyes meet Barry’s, a whole conversation happening in an instant. She’s right, with the two of them fighting together, they might actually have a chance to catch Shecada, but the only certain way to defeat her is healing Grace and she had promised. Frost holds his stare for another second, but then she gives in and races inside the bedroom and through the open breach. Cisco closes the breach behind them and joins his friends’ side. The anger on Shecada’s face has turned to pure rage as she intensifies her attacks.

Frost lands smoothly next to Grace’s bed in the medbay, she quickly lets Caitlin take over, ignoring the pain from her aching bones, and hooking her patient op to the scanners. Their friends depend on her now, on how quickly she manages to get all the dark matter out. She gives herself two seconds to close her eyes and rub out the tiredness, before loosing a breath, straightening her shoulders and starting the surgery. 

Ralph bends his torso out of the way before one of her daggers can pierce his side, just as the other one comes hurling at Barry, quickly followed by a multitude of energy beams. The three friends dodge them best as they can, but the intensified attack keeps them occupied long enough for Shecada to break through the window and fly off. Ralph curses as he gets back up, but Barry is already out of the window in pursuit.  
“She’s headed to Starlabs,” comes his voice over the coms a little later. With a shared look, Cisco opens a breach and they hop through. Maybe they can beat her there.

Caitlin’s completely focused on the wound, all of her energy on the minuscule pieces she retrieves ever so carefully, ever so slowly. She doesn’t think about the heaviness of her eyelids, she doesn’t think about her grumbling stomach or her dry throat, she doesn’t acknowledge her heavy arms or her aching back, she doesn’t spare a thought for the danger her friends are in, there is only the task at hand. But when an echoing bang makes his way to the medbay, her hand nearly slips. Shecada’s arrived. 

Barry is right behind Shecada, but still too late to prevent her from blasting the entrance door to the building. But he sighs in relief when he sees Cisco and Ralph standing on the other side. They won’t let her through. Shecada just keeps on with a scary calm, she doesn’t even seem winded, launching another attack, as parts of the building come loose and start flying towards his friends. Barry tries to attack her from behind, but at the last second, she throws another energy stream at him that he barely manages to dodge. He doesn’t know how she’s so quick without any speed powers, but the constant blasts that could immobilize him, make it hard to gain the upper hand. They can’t let her get to Grace or Caitlin. Though they should be safe, hopefully, they are safe.

Caitlin grits her teeth in an effort to keep her mind from the noises making their way down to the cortex. She’s safe in here. They had taken every possible precaution, nothing could penetrate the reinforced cortex, apart from a breach and Barry’s phasing power. Probably. She nearly curses at the slow progress she’s making, her friends are counting on her, but her exhaustion is crippling her. Plus she hadn’t accounted for the location of the wound. Surgery near the heart had been difficult, but surgery near and basically in the brain is ten times worse. Even the slightest nick could have terrible consequences. She has to move quicker, but in her state that could be fatal to Grace. Without a conscious thought, she puts down the surgical tweezers and moves to the drawer, like she has been planning on doing this the whole time. She takes out the syringe with adrenaline and plunges it in her thigh. She can feel it racing through her veins, her heart beating faster, her senses heightening. She steps back to the gurney and continues on.

Barry’s frustration keeps rising, they are keeping Shecada at bay, but they aren’t making any headway. He feels like he has been ducking these streams for days, just not fast enough to get close. He knows Caitlin would hear the noises from the fight, he knows she will strain herself even more. They should be able to contain Shecada, yes she could negate their powers, but only when they are hit. If he was up against a non-speedster, he was used to being able to flash metahuman cuffs on his opponent before they became too dangerous, but with Shecada. His irritation at the shortcomings of his powers hits him again. He’s supposed to be the fastest man alive, but somehow his speed keeps failing him when he needs it. He doesn’t have a lot of space to draw the energy for lightning bolts and the few times he’s managed so far, Shecada has blocked them with one of her daggers.  
His mind is racing through the uses of his powers until it finally comes to him. Phasing. What if he could phase through the streams instead of dodging them. It’s a big risk, if it doesn’t work, the energy will cut him from his powers and he can’t help his friends anymore. But if it works…  
He’s made up his mind, one more deep breath, and he starts vibrating his cells. Another orange beam comes his way, every cell in his body screams at him to move, but he stays where he is, vibrating in place. The energy has nearly reached him. Holding his breath despite himself, he sees it licking at his suit. Then. It goes through him. Nothing. He feels no effect. Grinning, he looks at Shecada. A heartbeat later, the cuffs are safely secured around Shecada’s hands. Her powers cut off immediately. Cisco and Ralph don’t even have time to blink before Barry has put her in a holding cell in the pipeline. A joyous calm sweeps through him as he looks at the surprise turned muted anger on his enemy’s face behind the glass doors. 

Someone is in the room. For a millisecond dread rises inside Caitlin, but then she feels the presence and calms down. It’s only Barry.  
“It’s me,” she hears him softly from behind, “Shecada’s locked in the pipeline.” Relief washes over her, she has more time, no more racing against the clock. She turns around long enough to give him a once-over, making sure he isn’t hurt.  
“Ralph and Cisco are both fine,” he answers her unspoken question. She nods with a small smile. This is good news. But her work isn’t done. 

Barry has been watching Caitlin for hours, it is well after midnight and she’s still working. Cisco and Ralph have taken watch before Shecada’s cell. They aren’t leaving anything to chance. Barry has asked Caitlin exactly once if she didn’t want to take a break, but she has been adamant that it would only be worse to stop and have to start again, so he had dropped it. His gaze is registering every sign of fatigue etched on her body, ready in case she couldn’t go on anymore. Only flickering to the screen every once in a while to track her progress. So close. Nearly done. He steps closer to her side, resting one hand on her back, trying to give her the energy to finish through his mere presence. He holds his breath as she slowly retrieves the last piece of shrapnel. Her eyes are glued to the screen, taking its last scan. Then a beep. She has done it.  
Caitlin closes the wound on Grace’s forehead with her ice powers, as Cisco’s voice comes over the coms.  
“She’s gone. Shecada just vanished into thin air.”  
With a deep sigh of relief, Caitlin turns towards Barry, circling her arms around his waist, slumping into him and burrowing her head in his chest. He tightens the grip around her. “You did it,” he breathes into her air.  
“We did it,” she mumbles dead on her feet as she’s trying to stifle a deep yawn.  
“Let’s get you to bed,” he offers with a smile. But she shakes her head.  
“Food first.” And he could hear her stomach give an appreciative grumble.


	15. Chapter 15

Barry and Caitlin are sitting at Big Belly Burger, one of the only places open in the middle of the night. Cisco had taken one look at them and vanished with Ralph before they could invite them along. Still trying to play matchmaker, Barry guesses.  
He’s looking at Caitlin sitting across from him, her eyelids drooping, she’s still munching on her food, but was done inhaling it like she hadn’t eaten in days. He doesn’t know how she’s still awake, as she keeps yawning between every bite she takes. But she had wanted food first, so he had complied. Sitting there, ruffled and exhausted, with some specks of blood on her collar, from Grace’s surgery, or the fight with Shecada, or Orlin’s surgery, he doesn’t know, but she still looks stunningly beautiful. There is something so endearing about her, the vulnerability the exhaustion has left her in, the fact that it stems from working tirelessly to save lives. “I love you,” he thinks. As he has done a million times before.

Except, wait, did he just say that part out loud?  
“I love you, too,” comes her matter-off-fact reply like it’s a response she’s given a million times. Then he can see her freeze and look up.  
“You do?” they both say at the same time.  
“I really do,” Barry smiles at her and the smile that appears on her face, though not bright or energetic but rather small, is still filled with so much emotion, it makes Barry’s heart do a double-take.  
“That’s good,” she mumbles. 

When she doesn’t say anything else, Barry starts to be unsure what he should do, kiss her, explain more, kiss her, give her some time, kiss her, sweep her home, kiss her, he really wants to kiss her. But what if he misunderstood this whole thing? Some part of him already spreading with dread, but he won’t let it freeze him, not now, he is done waiting. 

“You understand that I just told you I love you, right? Like really love you, like I’m in love you, have been for a long time and…” Caitlin holds up her hand to silence him and his words die in his mouth. He can’t believe this is happening.  
“And I have a lot of feelings and things to say about that,” she interrupts him, “but right now it’s completely overshadowed by pure exhaustion. I’m sorry, Barry, I… I can’t have a real conversation right now. Or anything else.” Barry stares at her, unsure what this means, and she must have seen his uncertainty because she smiles sweetly at him and adds.  
“But I do love you, too.”  
Even though Barry is exhausted as well, his heart is able to do all kind of backflips, his smile so big it spreads from one ear to the other.  
“Let’s go home,” she mutters, taking a last sip of her soda, bracing one hand on the table for support as she gets up, swaying a little from sleep-deprivation. But Barry is there to swiftly steady her and lead her outside. The moment the doors close behind them, he sweeps her up in his arms and flashes them home. 

Barry puts Caitlin down on her bed, just taking off her shoes and jacket, before pulling the blanket over her, he can tell that she has given up every effort to stay awake and just trusts him to look after her. A thought that makes his heart swell. All these heart arrhythmias would probably worry Dr. Snow. He grins. He’s about to leave and let her sleep when her hand reaches out until she finds him. She tugs on his sleeve and he follows suit and sits down next to her. She mumbles something he’s pretty sure means ‘stay’. He smiles as he stretches himself out next to her, but it only grows wider when she scooches closer and nestles herself in his arms, before drifting off to sleep completely. Though he thinks it impossible at the moment, a few minutes later he’s sound asleep as well.

When Caitlin wakes up, she knows that something is different. The light filtering into her bedroom is different, the direction wrong, it must be late afternoon. Also different is the person lying next to her. A smile spreads on her face as she rolls towards Barry, who’s still fast asleep on his back, still his arm tightens around her, as she settles her head on his shoulder, breathing him in. He loves her. The walls around her heart slowly crumbling.  
She doesn’t know why he told her yesterday, when she had been completely unable to deal with the concept. She would have been too tired to deal with simple mathematics at that point.  
But now. He loves her. She wants to know since when he loves her. Since when he knew. Why he told her yesterday and why he hadn’t before. She wants to open a window into his mind and analyze every little thing she finds. She grins. There would be a lot of time to get all her answers. For now, she just needs to know one thing.  
He loves her. And she loves him too.

Barry rubs the sleep from his eyes with one hand, before looking down to find Caitlin smiling up at him. A big happy smile spreads on his face in return.  
“Morning,” he utters sleepily.  
“Not really,” she smiles slyly. He follows her eyes to the alarm clock, chuckling a little.  
“Afternoon,” he repeats, “did you sleep well? Enough?”  
She nods, her head still resting on his shoulder, her arm draped over his chest, drawing lazy circles all over it. The tingling feeling slowly vanishing every trace of sleep. He turns a little to face her, his arm tightening his hold on her, while his other hand circles her waist. 

“So,” he slowly starts, “since you’ve slept enough now…” He cocks his eyebrow, a wicked grin on his lips. “Can I tell you again that I love you.” She blinks up at him for a heartbeat, then she just closes the distance between them and her lips meet his.  
Barry knows what it feels like to be struck by lightning, the electricity flowing through you, the nerve endings wreaking havoc. This, kissing Caitlin, is stronger than that. If he didn’t know that she has cooling powers, he would have worried he could set her on fire. When she pulls back an inch, he looks at her, making sure she feels the same way, before bringing his lips down on hers again. The heat radiating from where their bodies touched, takes over his whole being, he can feel her hand on his back, the other circling to his hair, as he leans into her touch. Every inch of him wanting to feel her, to taste her. He rolls on top of her, aligning their bodies so he can feel her everywhere. He can feel her body going soft against his, as his tongue traces the inside of her mouth, his hands trailing down her sides. 

Caitlin has never felt electricity like this running through her, igniting parts of her, she didn’t know could feel so good, as Barry’s hands linger on her waist. She moans as she pulls him even closer to her, though there’s already hardly any space left between them, but she still needs to feel him closer. She has always felt closer to him than anybody else in her whole life, but to physically be this close to him as well, has burnt through every wall inside her. She doesn’t care if she’s vulnerable, because she trusts him completely, she’s able to let loose in a way she never has before, letting her experience everything differently, stronger.

She doesn’t know how much time has passed until they finally come up for air. Though unspoken, they both halt short of going any further, not the first time they kiss. This is something new, something to be experienced slowly and fully.  
“Breakfast?” Barry whispers against her ear, though his voice rough and breathless. She nods. And a shower she thinks to herself. 

Barry gets up and heads towards the kitchen, knowing he’ll find plenty of food, the fridge always fully stocked since he’s been spending more time at Caitlin’s. At the door he turns around to look at her once more. All his time dreaming up a life with Caitlin couldn’t have prepared him for this kiss. She catches him looking at her but just returns the intensity of his gaze across the room.  
“I love you."  
"I love you, too."  
He smiles at her, a smile that he knew would never completely vanish anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've finally done it, I finished this story! And it only took me six months, give or take, lol :P I hope my writing wasn't too inconsistent. I read a lot of books and different authors during this time and that usually influences my writing style, so I'm sorry if there's a disconnection between parts. But at this point, I had to either post it like it is now or I might have ended up never posting it ;) Let me know what you think, I always appreciate feedback :)


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